3’s a Crowd

Peacefully sipping on my pumpkin spice latte at my favorite coffee shop, sitting in my favorite musty old couch, blissfully unaware of the pair of rogue asteroids about to collide with me. They orbited around the shop for several lengthy seconds, vacantly gazing where to sit down, careening out of control around patrons, bumping into chairs, elbowing people, causing general havoc. All of the comfortable spots were taken except for right next to me. They hovered over me as if expecting me to get up and leave. I didn’t understand the gravity of the situation at the time. My butt cheeks held firm to the cushion. They slowly made an about face, then executed what could only be described as a tandem backward belly flop down onto the couch. The ripple effect launched myself in the air a good inch or 2, more of a tsunami effect actually. They dropped the bomb, a twin Fat Man assault over me. I felt like a Hiroshima survivor, dazed, confused, shellshock, slightly irradiated by the aura of their pulsating body heat. But I summoned all the strength I could muster and was able finish my pumpkin spice latte, which had somehow increased in temperature. My neighbors had settled down into a surprisingly quiet slumber, sleeping like two baby wooly rhino. Only the sound of an occasional stomach gurgle from them broke the silence. The experience was like a rollercoaster ride, both literally and figuratively. But the only thing I will take home with me is a half eaten lemon poppy seed muffin.