Fucking scooter people.
I know you’ve drawn a bad card in life and I really empathize with you. Some of you, that is, because some of you can walk when you want to.
But for the good fucking lords sake, how big do some of these scooters get? I saw the biggest one of them all today in the entire world. It must be like the monster truck of vehicles. You pimped your ride in style, my friend, nice and shiny body. Comfortable first class seat with ample leg room. Nice treaded tires. How fast does yours go my friend? Must’ve been the top of the line scooters. Are the other scooter people jealous? You should get more rides from trimet during rush hour. Soon enough these fucking things wont be able to fit in the door. Whatever happen to rules like you must be this tall to ride. Or your carry on must fit this size to go in the overhead bin. Jesus fucking Christ, no way man. Can yours transform in a bed yet? Can you plug your ipod into those things yet? Next thing you should do is buy the biggest, I mean hugest, most gigantic entertainment center of all time and get it up to your 5th floor studio apartment. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just say bigger. I mean big.

6 replies on “Cruising Along”

  1. If the scooter didn’t have “Tip Assist,” Eric Cartman would not approve.

    Also, when I moved here in 2007, I dubbed Portland the Mobility Scooter Capital of the World. Portland is also the Adult Skateboarder Capital of the World as well. Helluva resume you’re building PDX.

  2. Fucking Bitchy People: I know you drew a bad card (marked Asshole for Life). Why don’t you buy a big ol tandem wheel four seater truck to cruise around in. Then you won’t have to deal with these wheelchair people. You can just blast your horn at them watch them jump out of their chairs. You’ll prove they can walk just as well as you and I. Oh by the way “Vern” don’t forget they moved the Mike Huckabee rally to the VIP room at Casa Diablo. Bring lots of 1’s Huckabee’s wearing his Super Spando Boxers.

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