I decided today to take a trip to the eastern part of the Gorge. I love that area a little past Bingen where the mountains are open and the views grand. As I started my walk, the cool Fall air brushed against my face and the clouds above beckoned me further. Then the dog shit appeared, like it inevitably always does. No matter where I try to go, what trail I try to find solitude on, there’s always a massive amount of dog shit in bags or just out in the open. I continued to walk down the trail, dodging left and right to avoid the land mines of “Little Snookums” and other dogs with fucking annoying names people give them. After about 30 minutes, I could stand no more; I was too distracted with the mounds of fecal matter left by fucking yuppie hipsters in spandex on this trail. I don’t blame the dogs, mind you; I mean, they eat the shit of other mutts so they really can’t be that bright. I blame the selfish, arrogant, disrespectful owners of these genetically manipulated canines. You fucking people… I fucking hate you.

34 replies on “Dog Owners are Assholes”

  2. What can you do? Just be a better person and bring a garbage sack. I had a dream about cleaning up the beach. We should all do our parts in taking care of this earth.

  3. I decided yesterday to go to the Bins, and some dude grabbed the upper half of a female mannequin before I could get to it it. Painted nipples, too. He didn’t want the bottom half. (The arms were missing entirely.) I briefly considered taking the bottom half as the base of a table, but carrying it on the MAX seemed daunting, and I really wanted the top half, anyway. I was so bummed that I left without buying much…a John Callahan book, a green IKEA stool, a DVD of the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Maybe I should’ve taken the legs and butt, I don’t know. Have a bit of non-buyer’s remorse. So what have the rest of you been up to lately?

  5. There was once a very disturbed troll on here named “Rick Stevens” who was a coprophiliac and admitted to getting joy out of smearing dog shit under the door handles of people’s cars. Rest his soul. Too bad he isn’t around anymore…sounds like he would have a heyday up there.

  6. ^ Sounds like someone still has a raging boner for good ol’ Ricky huh?

    He clearly had a significant impact on your “life” didn’t he JTR? Obviously not a positive one based on your obsession. Level with us JTR. How often do you jerk off to the thought of RickStevens? I’m guessing at least twice a day.

  7. I truly miss the daily battles that would rage between RickStevens and Assisse. It hasn’t been the same since they got booted. Well, I guess Assisse is still here, under a different name of course.
    Mercury staff: you should post the entire history of Rick and Assise correspondence. Show these noob commenters how it’s done in the big leagues.

  9. ^ How’s it hanging Farterie? Still haven’t grasped the concept of hypocrisy I see. So what you brings you around these parts “Mr. Life of Riley?”

  10. ^ How funny is that? I do love my mommy, am here 24/7 and have no life at all. I have a collection of stuffed animals all posed in my basement room, all waiting for my little rick-a-roni!

  13. This is awesome! I love how that one comment really brought out the original “Rick Stevens”, who has been apparently lurking here despite being banned. He is aliiiiive!

    Now hit me up ricky, so you can get some more of that old fashioned lovin you were so fond of and took like a real trooper. I still have the same number. AND hopefully you have been keeping up on your manzilian waxings, like a good little cub!

  14. All this time JTR, and you still haven’t come up with anything new in your schtick? And still always thinking of me in a sexual way too? While you may not have answered my initial question directly, it’s pretty obvious you’re pleasuring yourself to the thought of me on a daily basis. I don’t know, maybe that release is good for you. At least your wife doesn’t have to deal with you as much since you met me.

  15. Wait, let me get this straight? So Ricky has been lying in wait for the past several months, diligently checking IA to see if I was going to reference them in a comment – AND THEN creates a special account with my name in the title…AND THEN comes out of the gate with a “jerking off” joke – and has the gull to come off as thinking he is being funny or assertive? I think it is just sad more than anything.

    I thought maybe “Ricky’s” absence was explained by him getting a hobby, or some friends, or a job, or a place of his own, etc….but no, he is still up to the same old miserable shit. I really was hoping that he had turned a corner.

    And please try to be a little more creative in the naming of your next account, “ricky” (what will this be, number 12 or 13?).

  17. You are quite the sleuth JTR. Had I known all 3 of your neurons were firing today, I would’ve come up with an account name that was a tad more subtle. I just felt it was a little too risky to take that chance.

    Keep up the good work buddy. Before you know it, you’ll be balancing that checkbook all by yourself.

  18. Thank you Ricky. At least you are admitting that this last bout of trolling has been very sub-par. I hope you can bring some more heat next time.

  19. JTR, sadly you can only aspire to write something halfway as clever as me on my worst day.

    Here’s what’s really sad… You’re a grown-ass married man (homeowner too) that thinks about me constantly, months after I last humiliated you here on this blog.

    Take down the shrine to me, burn your copies of my comments, and go apologize to your wife for thinking of me every time she turns down your advances.

  21. ^ The real Tyler Durden does NOT approve of this comment, nor does he eat feces. This type of slander has no place on a respectable blog such as this.

    You sir (fake Tyler), should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. I’m just a simple anarchist trying to make my in life.

  22. You know they have meds for this, right?
    Yes , I know and I take them whenever I feel like it.
    No , I have a doctor. We take them as prescribed.
    No, you take them as prescribed. We take them whenever.
    No, we should really take them as prescribed.
    No, you take them, I don’t. We’re fine. We’re doing fine…

  23. I keep a note book with all my login names and passwords. It’s an old address book that should really contain friends and family but there was all this extra space so…

  24. Fake Tyler, could you take a moment to describe to the class the steps it took to create that account and the reasons for doing so?

    Maybe during that process, you’ll realize what a hypocrite you are. I only wish you could understand that you’ve become the same type of person you profess to hate.

  28. Wow. This Rick Stevens / Tyler guy is nuts. Talking to himself again. Good thing for all of us that he is very likely too big of a lazy assed loser to buy a gun and turn his scorn toward random people. I’m only halfway joking as I write this, which is a little scary.

    Ricky / Tyler – it is ok! Ditch the trolling hobby and get a girlfriend. The world will be a safer place if you do!

  29. JTR, your disingenuous concern is truly touching. I’ll do my best to subjugate my urge to hit the gun show this weekend.

    Thanks for talking me (us) down homey. My life could be way worse though. My hobby could be getting trolled.

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