Credit: Illustration by Kalah Allen

We HATE you. I speak for every restaurant employee in the Pearl District who has ever worked a First Thursday. If this is your idea of a good time then you are an asshole, no exceptions. You order a disgusting drink and complain it doesn’t taste right. You act like you have no idea how to pay for your drinks or open a tab. You spend two minutes waving me down like I am some rickshaw driver, waste my time deciding on which drink is cheapest, then spend a minute assembling a little pile of pennies and nickels for a tip after ordering a round of drinks you can’t afford. You spend 10 minutes harassing me about how I lost your credit card when in fact you gave it to another server, who you later describe as “the Chinese one.” Nice. She is Spanish. You order yourself the wrong drink, and then blame me for it. You accuse me of misleading you when you “accidentally” order $100 worth of shots. You eat out of the garnish tray. You dress like an idiot or a slut, and you are. I can tell you are amateurs when you spill your cocaine in the bathroom. Don’t think I am talking about everyone but YOU. That is a sure sign it is YOU. We HATE you.-Anonymous

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7 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  2. While you are probably spot on in your descriptions and I agree with your loathing of these creatures…. this is kind of like working as a stripper and complaining that customers comment on your ass or look at your boobs.

  4. And the shit show has spread to Alberta in the form of “Last Thursday” as well. Unimaginative idiots need to be told where “the party” is, and they will flock there in droves, ensuring that anyone with an ounce of originality or a normal attention span will clear out as fast as they possibly can.

    I always realize it’s Last Thursday because there is suddenly no parking on my block, and then adolescents yelling “woo woo” late into the night. Woo woo.

  5. “Unimaginative idiots need to be told where ‘the party’ is, and they will flock there in droves”
    Contrast that with SXSW, please.

  6. God, you people will bitch and moan about anything and everything. Portland has become polluted with weak sucks who can’t deal with people. You people that bitch about serving some idiot are the same person that gets called and idiot when you send back your latte cause its too hot.

    I’m sooo over all you god damn hipsters killing this once great town. Got off your bike, loosen up your jeans and take a shower. Or better yet, just leave.

  7. Good fucking lord I don’t miss working in the Pearl. Every time I stepped outside the office I felt like punching someone in the face. Oh wait– I felt like that inside the office, too.

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