Dear Child of Mine: You are an asshole. I am your mother. When I shoved you out of the car at the welfare office (the first time you got pregnant), and sped off, I actually didn’t go anywhere. I parked and watched you the entire time. For two fucking minutes you stood in the real world and were so scared. Upon my return you screamed, “How could you do that to your own kid?” I’ll tell you how: I don’t want you to be an asshole. You don’t even understand that the welfare office is easy as fuck compared to the pains of childbirth, and keeping the child safe and warm. (Not to mention the other daily efforts parents put into their children so they won’t turn into assholes.)
Do you understand that every fucking day you’ve existed on this earth, I’ve worried about every choice I’ve ever made as a parent? And if that choice would somehow fuck up your life? This shit is exhausting, and it’s only been 19 years so far.
I am not perfect and, accordingly, make it a point not to judge others. I am currently not judging your boyfriend—even during your child’s birth, when he had to abandon his job of holding your leg because his “arm was tired.” I simply traded spots with him and did the job—because that’s the way shit works. When your boyfriend eagerly tells your parents that his interests are “riding four-wheelers and catching a buzz,” that means the guy is undeniably a fucking idiot.
Listen, kid: I love you, and I respect you… but you don’t know shit. And that’s okay—just stop being an asshole about it.—Anonymous
This is how an I,A is done.
New standard. Damn.
Best thing I’ve read all month!
I hate to break it to you but if your kid is an “asshole” and doesn’t “know shit” that is as much on you as them.
Meth, not even once.
Anonymous parenting doesn’t work.
Epic parent fail. Feel good throwing your kid, but ultimately yourself under the bus? You are the asshole. Maybe that fear, false bravado, and act you put on all these years didn’t serve either of you well. Maybe you shouldn’t be a coward, and should confront the boyfriend appropriately. But no, you’re a typical, and I’m sure hypocritical asshole, who will judge, condemn, and criticize, and ultimately abandon, or live in some passive aggressive relationship with your kid. Good luck with all that toxicity, dysfunction, in general dramatic bullshit you brought upon yourself. So typical of most Portlanders.
This post hits close to home because it sounds like something my own trainwreck-in-denial of a mother would write. I’m sure you emailed it to her as soon as you found out it was published as a means of guilt-tripping her. Mother of the Year!
Since I’m already making accusations, I’m going to wager that this was not the first or last time your daughter will hear her lack of worth from her own mother, the very pillar that every young woman should have support from. I’d also wager, like my mother, that you’ve spent your life telling her how good she has it and how grateful she should be, despite the fact that your behavior or decisions has made her life anything but.
Using psychological scare tactics to intimidate your pregnant, teenage daughter as she goes to stand in line for welfare for the first time as a means to teach her a lesson about “how tough life” is truly some childish shit.
My mother, too, had to drive me to get food stamps during a time of crisis. Even despite all of her flaws and an earful of berating me on the way, she stayed in the parking lot. She even told me the directions to the counter I needed to go to first before going to another, something that the signs inside did not convey. She knew how scary and intimidating it could be, and she knew better than to use it to double-down on some stupid lesson that your daughter was probably already all too familiar with if this is your method of child-rearing.
The truth of “how hard life is” is based on your circle, your network of family and friends. If you do not have that network, or you do not trust it, you make poor decisions, which are only further worsened by that continued lack of support.
If you want your daughter to make good decisions, you need to treat her like a human being you actually care about and not this burden that didn’t magically blossom into something you didn’t foster the growth for. Why even have children if you’re not willing to steer them on the right course, no matter how taxing that may be? Why expect the rest of us to pick up her slack because you clearly have no idea what you’re doing and no interest in learning?
Did you encourage an abortion for either pregnancy? Did you sit down with her boyfriend and his parents and talk about a plan going forward? About costs and childcare? Or did you just leave her to fend for herself there too?
It sounds like your entire approach to parenting is this situation in a nutshell; abandon while staring from afar, then judge her for not knowing where to go.
Fuck you. Be a parent.
I wish I could share Any Given Equation’s response; it was dead-on.
Trashy Portlanders never let me down!