I KNOW that $15 is kind of steep for a souvenir circus program,
but the look on a child’s face as they watch the performers
autograph it for them is priceless. Having said that, this goes out to
the fuckin’ lowlife scumbag thief who stole my four-year-old
granddaughter’s circus program while she and I were putting on clown
costumes for a picture. You did not just steal a program from a child,
you stole the memories of her first circus, and worse yet, her faith in
other people. Try explaining to a four-year-old why someone would steal
from her. Before I go to bed each night, I get down on my knees and
pray that the next time you attend a circus looking for more thieving
opportunities, one of those 600-pound tigers will get loose and tear
your fucking heart out!! Just like you tore out my precious
granddaughter’s. Now that would be the Greatest Show on
Earth! —Anonymous
I, Anonymous
Get with the Program
Comments are closed.
Relax, she was gonna be disappointed in people sooner or later. But she’s probably most disappointed in you for just leaving her stuff laying around so anybody could take it.
Gee, a 4-year old could never *lose* a program, could she?
And any 4-year old is not going to give a rat’s ass about the program an hour after the show’s over.
This is a good chance to teach her the intrinsic value of an autograph, especially an autograph of a circus performer. This is your chance to teach her that bowing down to the idol of celebrity popular culture will only leave her feeling empty. Count your blessings.
I have to say that this is a much better I, Anonymous post than the last 10…It is kinda sad that someone would steal a program…but lesson learned I suppose.
victimless crime
i am most impressed that there is a grandpa in portland that reads the mercury and loves to swear and wish death on people! i can’t ever remember my grandpa using the words, “tear your fucking heart out.”
They probably just thought you were a couple of clowns
Stupid hipster douchebags. Somebody stole some kid’s shit. If you’re all too cool to feel bad for a fucking kid, then there shouldn’t be any whiny I, Anons about stolen bikes by you assholes. Heartless fucks
Agreed. The writing was engaging, the complaint was valid. Fuck all the resta y’all.
I came here expecting (hoping) to see comments (a fight) about how Anon deserves what he got because he took his grandchild to a circus that, as implied by the tiger comment, exploited animals for human entertainment. What gives, guys? You’re really dropping the ball here. Maybe -I- need to find a better form of entertainment…
I’m glad my grandma doesn’t think that the crime of stealing a circus program should be punishable by having one’s vital organs feasted upon by jungle beasts.
Where does it say the I Anon is a grandpa?
Okay, is it my turn? I wish… I wish that… I wish that granny gets her face chewed off by a baboon if the thief in question does, in fact, get his heart torn out by a tiger as a result of stealing the circus program. Way to make the punishment fit the crime, granny.
People who GO to the circus suck for perpetuating the exploitation of animals.
People who steal things from kids suck for stealing things from kids.
Very few winners in this scenario.
Using prayers to wish harm on another is kinda terroristic,or at least creepy no? Be The Change You Want To See In The World, grandpa! This is why we have bombings of abortion clinics and other non-sense acts of violence initially designed to stop violence. Violence plus violence equals more violence. Wrong plus wrong equals wrong. I hope that you don’t say your prayers with your grandchild!