Credit: Illustration by Kalah Allen

The MAX train was crowded, people were packed pretty tight. And with
all of us here together, riding the public transit system, you somehow
come to the conclusion that CHANGING YOUR CHILD’S DIAPER ON A SEAT OF
THE TRAIN is a socially accepted practice. Who told you that’s okay to
do? Are you wearing blinders or do you truly not see the masses of
people forced to bear witness to your kid’s monster dump? Why do you
have children? I didn’t have time to get into it with you, but I
was the person to get up and say, “That’s disgusting and rude,” before
exiting the MAX. And I’ll say it again, you are disgusting and rude and
I dearly hope your children do not end up as trashy and ignorant as
you. When will parents realize that their “little miracle” is, to
everyone else, just another germ-spreading, drool-covered, snot-oozing,
incontinent nuisance? If I ever see you on the MAX again I’m going to
take a shit on the seat next to you and see how you enjoy my “little
miracle.” You should be ticketed for that, you nasty, manner-less
harbinger of disease.—Anonymous

26 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. If they hadn’t changed the diaper there would no doubt be an anonymous letter from someone who couldn’t believe that the baby had been forced to sit there stewing in it’s own feces. It’s a dirty diaper. Grow up.

  2. Since MAX trains are a classic waste of taxpayer dollars and most riders of MAX seem unconcerned about that fact, a happy conclusion for the story would have been the train made a sudden stop and the baby feces landed on all the passengers.

  5. The diaper could have been changed elsewhere. Don’t act like the offended party is some sort of uptight prig. The mom could have changed the kid before she got on the train or after she got off. And yeah, stinky people on the MAX slurring profanities suck too. Try taking the MAX every day to and from work and see how long it is before you have to “grow up” and “get over yourself”.

  6. To the person who said the MAX was, “…a classic waste of taxpayer dollars…”. Shhh! Keep it down. Doing away with the MAX would mean more traffic. GEEZ!

  7. Yet another anti-kid diatribe from a infantile hipster who professes to everyone around who doesn’t care that they would never sink so low as to procreate.

    In the words of the Vindictives: “In a couple of years you’ll be screaming at your own little kids. And I hope these words come back to kick you in the head.”

  9. As an adult diaper wearer, I frequently need to change throughout the day. And if I happen to be on TriMet services when it happens, then by God I’ll change myself.

  10. While it’s not an ideal situation, I wouldn’t say it’s the sort of thing that would make me question one’s ability to parent, especially compared to the actions of other parents I have seen on the MAX- like yelling obscenities, downing a 2 liter of RC, and hitting their children (as opposed to breast feeding and changing their poopy pants). You say wait 15 minutes for the next train and change the child at the MAX stop- really, wait out in the cold and be late to wherever they were going so as to not…make you smell poop? I don’t get it. You weren’t forced to look, and the smell would be the same in the diaper or not. And this is assuming that the kid didn’t poop ON the train, which is usually what happens. The mother could have been on the train all the way to Hillsboro from Gresham and then farther on the bus- you got off before them, anyhow. Have you heard of “diaper rash?” It’s practically child abuse to let your kid sit in their shit.

    They (the parent) also probably thought they were doing the other riders a favor by changing their child’s diaper so it would stop screaming it’s head off. It’s embarrassing to be the lone parent on public transit whose child that is a “germ-spreading, drool-covered, snot-oozing, incontinent nuisance.” Really though, what sort of disease do you think you are going to get from a newborn? I’d rather be forced to EAT baby shit then sit next to half of the riders of our public transit system. I hope Anonymous is still riding the MAX when life hands he/she a child so that they can have fun NOT changing their baby’s diaper when they have an hour left to go on the train…yeah, right.

  11. I would say this I Anon poster is one huge coward. No surprise that he told off a lone woman with a child. Of course a Dad could be changing a diaper on this guy’s lap and nothing would ever be said. Why? This coward would not want to risk getting punched in the face.

    Be happy she was changing and caring for her baby. This is probably not the baby that is going to grow up and steal your bike

  12. This is the baby that will continue to be a weak, ineffectual member of society because their parental units coddled the shit out of them. Literally. Unfortunately, it sounds like the writer is one of these people as well. Sometimes, dear Max baby, you have to sit in your own shit. Sometimes, dear Max rider, you have to smell that shit.

    Now. If she left the dirty diaper on the seat. . . there would be one more orphan and one more felon for the statisticians to tally.

  14. So I guess it’s ok to change your baby’s poopy diaper on a table at a restaurant too cause it’s just “baby poop”? I don’t understand how anybody came to the conclusion that baby poop isn’t gross.

  15. As a parent of a child who still wears diapers…. I think what this person did was a bit much… I would NEVER force others to see and/or smell the “miracle” that is poop on a public train. Especially if it were the day after Burrito night…
    Although, I should point out that no matter what this person did, it was going to stink. Just because it’s contained in a diaper doesn’t make the stench go away.

  16. The issue is breeders thinking everyone loves thier babies. I’m sick of the disease spreading little monsters. Babies should be left at home where they belong. Everyone talks about being green these days – well the most green thing you can do is NOT have a child. Of course tell that to all those selfish parents who “worry” about the earth for the very children they conceived to pollute it.

  17. Maybe she’s just an idiot entirely lacking in common sense. It might not be a “breeder” conspiracy, kids.

    The contemptuous comments give me a good laugh. Who the hell do you think birthed your stupid asses?

  19. Maybe it is so cold outside she had to change her baby’s diaper. But you know… a lot of people have no class or was educated with class. It could be worse. Did the diaper smell really bad? I think the grossest thing I’ve ever witness in the MAX is a guy clipping his toe nail, his nails were flying all over. I was so shock that I just smiled with everyone else.

  20. Not only is it inappropriate for someone to do that but its illogical as well. I mean if you’re a mom why would you change your baby in a moving vehicle? Where there is no room, and tons of people around. Anonymous person you are lucky the feces and the baby didn’t go flying towards you when the max hit it’s brakes.

  21. Eat a dick you fucktard. Here’s the story, your were once a baby, and somebody probably changed you in a place that some other fucktard found offensive, only they didn’t have the web to spill out their idiocy on to. Don’t like it, stay in your fucking house.

  22. While I was visiting Portland last week I picked up a copy of the Portland Mercury 11/12-11/18 issue to see what the local jive was all about. At the end of the paper I came across “Bubonic Baby”. And in all honesty, I agree that changing a diaper on the MAX is really freakin gross. But what I came to realize more is that the person complaining about the diaper changer is a chump (hereby referenced as YOU). Why didnt YOU have the balls to say something to the person while they were changing the diaper, instead of waiting till YOU were getting off the MAX to say something under your breath, when the door was closing behind your back and the person changing the diaper clearly couldnt be confrontational about the issue?? And how could YOU “not have time to get into it”?? How much time do YOU need to say something to someone in a small confined area?? And then YOU issue threats of shitting on the MAX (clearly proving your lack of tact to all other future MAX passengers) through the back page of an issue of a magazine that is published for one week and highly unlikely to be read by the ignorant fool changing the diaper?!? Weak. If YOU want people to stop changing their diaper in public, then why dont YOU grow some balls and say something to them when they are doing it?? This passive-ass-behind-the-back-bullshit-talking CRAP doesnt help remedy the situation. I hope YOU get slapped in the face with a dirty diaper soon… maybe it will teach YOU to stand up for your beliefs. Then maybe the world will be rid of idiot public-transit-diaper-changers, AND passive babies that cry about it, anonymously, through the Portland Mercury.

  23. When my son was in nappies, the thought of changing him on public transportation never occured to me. See, I go to the potty BEFORE leaving the house, as I teach my children to do and as my mom taught me. True; accidents happen, but that’s what bathrooms are for. The kid wouldn’t have gotten diaper rash from a few miutes on the train, believe me! And besides, if given the choice between just smelling it or smelling AND seeing it, I’d choose the former.

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