Dear Scumbag Hippie: Put down your drumsticks, pick up a hammer, and finish the construction on your fucking house! Not only has your house been a goddamn eyesore without any proper windows, siding, or walls for the last TWO YEARS, but also your drum playing SUCKS!! We can all (your other neighbors complain too!) hear it over our TVs with the windows closed. Nobody wants to hear that shit after 10 pm when we’re trying to settle down after a hard day at work. And don’t even think about picking up a different instrument because you’ll suck at that too! This wouldn’t be an issue if your goddamn house had finished walls with insulation, siding, and windows. How the hell can you live in squalor like that anyways?! So the next time I hear erratic banging with no rhythm coming from your house, you had better be out there with a fucking hammer.—Anonymous
I, Anonymous
Bringing Down the Hammer
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LEGIT.
Damn right! When I played drums (age 14-26), even as an adolescent white male, that most aggressively oblivious and entitled demographic, I still went around to the neighbors and negotiated specific hours during which I would practice or just jam out.
As it happens, the law has very specific things to say on this subject. If they’re doing that shit past ten, you can call the cops on them.
Or you can just *tell* them that you’ll be calling the cops, which I bet will be more than sufficient threat to a house full of filthy, filthy hippies.
Bro, you’re like harshing my mellow man, and besides finishing my house is like work and stuff man, and that feels like working, man. Yeah I play after 10 and stuff but be fair bro, I don’t get up until noon. Don’t taze me bro!
Finally, the column delivers. Good job.
Haha, where does this guy live? I wanna see his house! And hear his drumming!
Best I,A in quite some time.
Oh god I think I know where this house is. FOPO? After 10? Call the cops.
throw water on the them. hippies hate water. they’ll leave.
” So the next time I hear erratic banging with no rhythm coming from your house, you had better be out there with a fucking hammer.”
And what if it’s NOT a ‘fucking hammer’? Whadaryou gonna do, beat his ass? No, seriously, if YOU were to hear “erratic banging with no rhythm” coming from said house, & it’s NOT “scumbag hippie” guy with a hammer, i’d love to know what YOU’RE next move would be. Please, Mr.Tough Guy, do tell…
“Oh god I think I know where this house is. FOPO? After 10? Call the cops.”
Call the cops? Over someone’s drumming? You stooling brown-noser, go live in Hillsboro!
Umm, if you’re tired of his drumming go over there and tell the guy to stop – simple as that. Drumming after 10pm is a total harsh out and you have the right, as his neighbor, to rest peacefully at night. If he resists, call the cops. There are city ordinances against this crap.
man o man i want to know what house this is
“Lighten up brother! Don’t you know that Portland is where everyone keeps it weird, and does their own thing all day? If you can’t handle oblivious self-involved 23-year-olds ruining every aspect of your day, then move to the suburbs man! Don’t ask me to shut up, or clean up after my dog, or not blow smoke onto your kids! What is this, Hillsboro? I’m the one who is being cool, man! I moved all the way from Ohio to be part of this scene, man. You’re just uptight. Why don’t you want to listen to my crappy self-indulgence all night?”
In all seriousness, the city would probably take the many apparent code violations at his house even more seriously than the noise complaints. I would call code enforcement on this ass. That will get his attention real quick.
haha! that’s my neighbor for sure! Kinda weak to complain here just cuz I’m sure nobody has asked him to stop to his face. But welcome to Pussy Town! The best part is that even after this whoever wrote this will still be dealing with it because they are too scared to address this guy directly.
Blabby for comment of the week.
What the fuck happened to make you such a pussy? Hippies are the least threatening people you could possibly confront and you are still too afraid to come out of your house and politely ask the inconsiderate asshole to stop drumming at night. Instead you hide behind your computer and furiously concoct a snipey little letter that you send downtown to a shitty weekly in hopes that what…? He’ll read it and be so shocked and afraid that he will forever swear off his drumming and other obnoxious hippy mannerisms?
You are the king of all bitch-made lames. Kill yourself.
my name is blabby and im born and raised portland and still live at home with my mom and so i hate everyone that moved here bc they’re all cooler than me .
Yes, Blabby – obviously Portland needs a border fence. Flying Spaghetti Monster forbid anyone that doesn’t look, talk or think like you settles in your city.
Yup, no shortage of really “cool” people moving here everyday, iswiw.
NobodyYouKnow: the opposite of that seems to be the problem- it seems that everybody that moves here these days all look, talk and think alike. Thus the sense that this town is walllowing in smug hipness.
uh, why can’t you idiots tell that blabby is being sarcastic where he’s put quotation marks, hence the quotation marks?