Dear construction/road crews working on Grand/MLK Avenues—It sure does seem like you could do all of the work on the right side of the road at one time, and then all of the work on the left. Instead you forced what are normally four lanes of traffic to squeeze through a two-lane bottleneck, and then zigzag back to four lanes only to squeeze back down through another two-lane bottleneck on the opposite side of the road. And now you’ve gone one better! You shut down the two left lanes only to close the two right lanes just TWO blocks later, and then you shut down the two left lanes a mere four blocks later! Kudos, motherfuckers! However, I won’t be truly impressed with your lack of planning until you close down two lanes on the right, then two on the left, then two in the middle, then two on the right, then the two outer lanes, and then the two left lanes. That, my construction/road crew friends, is my challenge to you. Pull that shit off and I’ll buy each and every one of you a six-pack of beer. Just don’t expect an expedient delivery.—Anonymous

12 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  2. I’m really glad that this I,Anon is complaining about road construction. What’s next? Andy Rooney up in this motherfucker telling us about how many watches he owns? Fuck I,Anon. Most useless column ever.

  3. I’m with you I, Anon. I’m also not sure why it is taking them forty billion years to finish the construction on MLK and Grand. Seems like if you wanted to fix up a couple of major streets like that, and bullox up the whole central eastside, you’d at least be expedient about it.

    DamosaA, there are surprisingly few North/South streets that run all the way from the central eastside to N/NE portland. There are some that run ten or fifiteen blocks maybe, then bump into the freeway, or some strange intersection, or something or other. MLK/Grand are hard to avoid if you live N/NE and need to go to the center of town regularly.

    Graham, what’s with the kids these days? And how come they only give you that little bag of peanuts on the airplane? And dudes never stop to ask for directions! AmIright?

  4. Oh boy, another traffic rant. Good thing this one was anonymous, too. The generally addressed “work crews” would be fuming if they knew who this rascal was!

  5. I live in that area and it’s a huge pain in the ass the way they keep shutting down different parts of the street and sidewalk. And anyone who doesn’t live in the area can shut the fuck up rather than leap on an opportunity to be snide little pricks.

  7. Seriously though it is crap, they have been working on it forever and always manage to turn it into a huge cluster-fuck right at rush hour; and there are always at least like four guys standing around with there thumbs in there asses watching the traffic shit-storm they created. I have personally given up and started taking Macadam.

  8. “And anyone who doesn’t live in the area can shut the fuck up rather than leap on an opportunity to be snide little pricks.”

    That’s mature.
    Maybe someone doesn’t actually live in that area (highly convenient & centralized, just two minutes outside dt- & you’re whinning?) but atleast know what it’s like to TRAVEL THROUGH that area. I’m telling yall, if there’s a big mess with road construction – just freakin’ go around! There ARE other little side/residential streets there – i know there are, i’ve used them myself so i know they’re there.

    Sometimes it really does seem like folks in this town just bring woe apon themselves.

  10. what about the orange vested assclowns messing up the hill below terwilliger just to create an interstate backlog all the way to downtown? eh? I mean who gave them the right. Oughta be a law. Harumph.

  12. This IAnon is LAME AS FUCK! I mean, seriously, who hasn’t been in traffic due to construction, in Portland and everywhere else!! FYI ASSHOLE, those workers are only doing their jobs, they are not there just to fuck up your day! Someone needs to bitch slap this whiny ass-wipe!

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