I listened to my heart and chose you as my partner. I loved you so much I didn’t care if I got pregnant (I did).

I had fits of jealousy and envy .. I should have realized you loved me and thought me beautiful. I should have been more confident in myself and in our relationship

I hit you while I was hormonal and pregnant as fuck… So was I the one who started you on the abusive wife beater path?

I had you arrested because you shoved me while I was big and pregnant.

Then again not too long ago (a month now?) after I was finally fed up with the ongoing kicking, slapping, spitting, choking,name calling …

I did sleep with a random guy on our bed after we first broke up in September. That is why I threw the mattress set out. I didn’t want to feel guilt for cutting the strings of our ~bond of union~ (“we’re pretty much married”, was what you often said) – imagining you sleeping on a bed that I and another man slept on was not a good image in my mind.. I did nothing wrong. We were separated and you admitted that you thought of other women often- I needed to get back at you. But by the time I was with that man, you had already left. So I was just finalizing the break up for myself. I did it to remind myslef that you and I were over. That I need not to break promises to myself – not allowing men to hit me.

Our toddler cannot see this..
I love you, still. Please get therapy. Let us both get help.

5 replies on “More “Embarrasing” Stigma than Mental Illness”

  1. You are the victim of a domestic abuser. You did nothing to “start him on the path.” You did nothing (including sleeping with other guys and even hitting him) that justifies, excuses, or mitigates his abuse. Even if he gets therapy, you should SERIOUSLY reconsider whether you want him around you or your child.

  2. I hope you did not mean I love you,and I hope he does not read this. He may think your still vulnerable, and have to explain your self to him. Very good move to have him arrested. I hope you and the toddler have a wonderful life, without having to worry about one of you being hurt or killed by this awful person. Take care of your child, as you seem to be doing.

  3. There is no time like the present to move away from Portland. Find the hottest job market with the lowest cost of living and go make a real life for yourself and your child. So glad you aren’t married to this person.

  4. Another white trash diary post. You had a child with a loser boyfriend not a husband = abortion. Now that you’re a Mom it’s time to pull up the boot straps and figure it out. Like the post above. Move to a place where you and your child can live comfortably = education for your child so they don’t make the same mistakes.

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