Yesterday, in the Pearl, my baby son had a meltdown as people often do when poop is leaking from their clothes in four directions. I shuttled him back to the car and did my best to calm him on the passenger seat while I reached into the backseat to find wet wipes and a clean diaper. I was aware that my parking ticket had expired but knew I’d be leaving as soon as the diaper was changed and my son calmly in his car seat. As a wiped him with spare clothes (I was out of wipes), I noticed the parking agent walking down the street. Smugly (and wrongly) I assumed no human being could possibly turn this into an ‘opportunity’. Yet this man walked over to me and asked to see my ticket, which had fallen on the floor. I told him just a second while I fastened the diaper, then I gave it to him. In a cartoon-style monotone he informed me that my ticket had expired. I asked him if he noticed what was happening in front of him and even gestured to the crying baby and the poop on my hand and suggested that he could help me by taking some of my coins and getting me a new ticket. He backed away to look at my license and began entering data into his device, then handed me a ticket and walked away. I’m appalled that enforcing the rules and generating a little revenue trumps doing what’s clearly ‘right’ on a basic human level. Issuing me a ticket under such circumstances seemed nearly hateful on the part of this man and perhaps even the company he works for.

15 replies on “Poop and the Parking Ticket”

  3. I hate when parents use their kids to leverage special treatment. Back when I was an office lackey I can’t begin to explain the number of times people used their kids as an excuse to leave work for the day. It’s always an “emergency”, there’s always an excuse on why special treatment should be afforded.

    No tolerance. No understanding. No pity. May the image of the meter maid handing you your (well deserved) ticket be seared into your mind for all of eternity.

    Unforgivable.

  4. If am following your story right your ticket was expired well before your son had pooped himself all over and had a meltdown because of it.

    So there’s no need for the rest of the IA or for the IA at all. You can write that your son had a meltdown because he pooped on himself. And then have your son read it.

  5. You’re lucky all you got was a pooping ticket. Illegal dumping would have been much more expensive. As it is, this won’t even leave much of a stain on your record.

  6. Please explain how leaving an an “automobile” parked past the “purchased” amount of this so-called “time” in the middle of what is apparently some large form of settlement known as a “city” is relevant to this “basic human level” you speak of.

  7. How expired was your ticket? If it wasn’t just a few minutes, i don’t see how this is much of a foul, let alone “hateful”. Dude’s just doing his job.

    What if i was parked right next to you at the time and had an equally-as-expired ticket, and was also planning on leaving just as the meter maid showed up; should i get fined just because i didn’t have shit on my hand?

  8. Listen lady it is pretty simple hot blonds get out of tickets, bloated moms covered in fecal matter wandering around the pearl trying to buy sleeping pills to escape the hell that they themselves spawned from their loins get parking tickets, kapeesh?

  13. If you send this explanation to the judge along with your payment, you will probably get a full refund. Unfortunately, it takes about 6 months. That is pretty ridiculous. That parking enforcement officer takes his job WAY too seriously.

  14. What I don’t understand is that you knew exactly how much time you had on your ticket; yet it took your kid shitting himself to bring you back to your car; to finally figure out that your ticket had expired. Do you deserve special treatment just because you spread your legs and allowed semen to fertilize your egg? Fuck no, bitch!

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