I want to apologize for moving here last year to the 30 something fake yuppie in Fred Meyer who was bitching about how many people moved to Portland last year.
Let me start over. What I should be apologizing for is being born in Buffalo in 1985. If I was courteous enough to be born 10 years earlier I could have moved here sooner. Maybe we’d even be friends because, besides the fact that you’re a bitter snob, we probably have a lot in common.
I get that people like you who moved here a decade or so ago have seen a mass of younger people like me following in your footsteps, thereby further gentrifying & increasing rents, and in a way this sucks. Sorry, but like you, I wanted to move to a progressive, affordable city after college; and like you, my options were limited. If you wanted to keep the city to yourself, you should’ve thought about that before you installed bike lanes, opened micro-breweries, and legalized pot.
You’re so politically correct, with your “Namaste” bumper sticker and all. Any sort of racial profile or stereotyping is unacceptable, unless you’re applying it to us expats who are swelling the borders. What’s with the double standard? We’re not all bunch of unmotivated, pot smoking disheveled youths. I have a four year college degree from an accredited state university, and I demand respect, damn-it! I’m here to start a career and do my part in making this city an even better place. You started the trend and I’m continuing it. Lay off, hypocrite.

5 replies on “Trials of an Expat”

  1. Dear Buffalo Fucktard:
    Believe it or not, Portland hasn’t always been as “progressive” as you dream it to be. So you’re not an unmotivated, pot smoking disheveled youth. Congratulations! If you really want to “contribute” to our fair burg how about not complaining about some asshole with a namaste bumper sticker (fuck, I hate those things) and all the PC trappings this town is now drowning in(thanks to libtards like you) while sanctimoniously telling us how you moved to Portland because it is so “progressive” and help us get back to the good old days when this town WASN’T hung up on PC bullshit. How ’bout it?

  2. It’s full-of-shit out-of-staters like you that have led to the fucking countless romance novels written about Portland in the NYT Travel section and the increasingly annoying experience of entering any bar in my neighborhood.

    Hey asshole, some of us didn’t move here a couple years ago to get our dumbshit photography or museum curating careers off the ground. Believe it or not, for some of us, this is actually home. Just because your entitled ass got to move here on daddy’s dime so you can tell all your friends back home about how “sustainable” and “creative” Portland is while you drive your fucking Lexus SUV to the Fred Meyer to buy your frozen wings and prepackaged dinners, that doesn’t mean people here don’t have real lives and actually care about this community.

    Get the fuck back on your high horse and get the fuck out of our state. Your condescending attitude is exactly the shit that makes my blood boil. You’re so goddamned proud of the fact that you got away from whatever hellhole you left and moved to Portland that you don’t stop to ever think beyond your stupid, arrogant fantasy of Portland. Do you vote? Do you know who our city commissioners and county commissioners are? Have you ever been to Oregon east of the Cascades? Do you know who that fellow was that we named Waterfront Park for?

    But back to your asinine post. When did we legalize pot? I’ve been here my whole life, and last time I checked pot isn’t legal. We opened micro-breweries? No, we led the nation in a sophisticated craft industry that supports our agricultural, production, distribution and retail industries. It’s what we do, in spite of constantly being dragged down by deadweight transplants like you.

    And calling yourself an expat? You’re not a refugee from some godforsaken warzone; you moved here from Buffalo to start your career in interpretive dance. You don’t get to demand respect. Respect is earned. And by throwing around terms like “bitter snob” and “fake yuppie” in a post like this shows me you’re a loooong way from earning my respect, kiddo.

  3. Oh jesus fucking christ. People move, get the fuck over it and get the fuck over yourself. There’s a million reasons why, no one has to justify themselves for moving, and no one has to stay in whatever shithole they were born in or forced into by their parents because of whatever bullshit annoyance it may have caused some pompous dickless loser that feels they personally can lay claim to a city of hundreds of thousands of people.

    Love, someone born and raised here.

  4. Wow, a four-year degree from an accredited state university!

    Just like every waiter, barista and dishwasher in Portland!

    Sorry pal, you don’t get to demand respect with a B.A. anymore. Those days were gone at least 20 years ago.

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