I understand that this is a green workplace. That’s admirable. I respect that. I also understand that being part of a green workplace means that the overhead lights are hooked up to motion detectors, a policy which applies to the lights in the staff bathroom. What I don’t understand is why the motion detector in the staff bathroom needs to turn the lights off EVERY FIFTEEN SECONDS. I’m sick to death of having to constantly flail my arms around like Kermit the Frog if I don’t want to shit in complete darkness.

You’re aware of the situation, but you’ve done nothing to improve matters. You’re busy. I understand that. What I want you to understand is that this situation is causing me to spend at least twice as long on the toilet as I usually do. If I see one mention of my overly-long bathroom breaks in my next performance review, I will stop using the staff bathroom entirely and instead do my business in your office. You know, the room with the real light switch.

13 replies on “Workplace Understandings”

  1. I’m pretty sure that at least 90% of the IA’s about work are written by Mercury staffers. With that in mind: Steve, stop being such a pinchbelly and replace the motion detector.

  8. Easy solution: don’t shit at work. It’s nasty, and nobody likes walking into your cloud of fecal-stank afterwards anyway. Besides, you’re not being paid to take a dump, so get your ass back to work.

    The only people who shit at work are the fat middle-aged salesmen anyway, who see it as some sort of exercise in dick-swinging. Don’t be that guy.

  9. Don’t shit at work? Is this what it has come to? I have zero problem being “that guy.” Fuck your delicate sinuses, I’m a coffee drinker, dammit.

  12. If it is a merc staffer……..run for your life! Humphrey timed those lights so he can trap you in the bathroom and molest you! Allegedly

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