You wore your giant-brimmed hat to the Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats concert because it was cold outside and your precious noggin was chilly. Thatโs coolโI totally love wearing hats when itโs cold outside. But inside the venue, when 2,000 other concertgoers are smashed together in a small space and the ambient temperature is hovering around 110 degrees? Itโs dumb. Youโre tall, and the giant brim blocks the view of the stage for every single person behind you. Quit being a selfish asshole and take off your hat. Oh, I hurt your feelings when I loudly bitched about your dumb hat and what a selfish asshole you were being? Iโm not sorry. Take the dumb hat off, dummy. You look like an idiot wearing it in the concert, and also, your dumb hat is ugly. You thought you looked like Indiana Jones for the Mumford & Sons generation? Whoever told you that is a slanderous jerk. Your dumb, giant-brimmed hat just made you look like a selfish asshole poseur without the good manners to care about anyone else in your immediate vicinity. Your granny would be ashamed of you.
Your Dumb Hat is Dumb
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until further notice I will be angrily strumming a mandolin in my yurt
You know damn well he didn’t give a shit about your bitching. I doubt he even noticed you. You should have been more shrill about it.
Maybe he needed the hat to keep his shit for brains from leaking out of his head onto his concert-appropriate outfit.
Next time, spray his hat with lukewarm sarsaparilla. That’s the only language these barbarians understand.
Did you stand behind him making shitty comments about him instead of politely asking him like a human being and asking him to take off his hat?
If he did hear them, he ignored you. As he should have.
Ever stand behind a pillar? Yeah, just move to where you can see.
Picture telling your children in ten years about how you saw Rateliff In 2016 at a small venue (before he married Adele) and starred in Summer theatre in South Pacific. I’m talking about the bored annoyed expression they’ll give you. Come to think of it, same expression all over town from this story now.