CHARLES JOINS THE RULING CLASS?

TO CHARLES MUDEDE: In Bushi Hiphop, your paean to interracial elitism,
you betray your exalted education with an ignorance that runs far deeper than
crude idioms [Music, April 18, in which Charles–who had a black upper-class
upbringing–criticizes Ludicris for his “crude” rhymes]. By looking down on
those not so fortunate as to have been born into privilege, you play right into
the hands of the racist white male ruling class, who promote disunity among
us so as to maintain their hegemony. (Black) people from all walks of life must
unite and realize we all suffer from the same oppression if we are ever to effectively
combat the racism that has been bred into society for centuries. Being “proud
of (y)our place in the world” doesn’t mean condescension towards people who
have not had your same opportunities of education and social advancement.

Dylan Trosper

BLACK FOLKS ARE COUNTRY

HEY CHARLES: Let’s get this shit right–your pops, with the help of god, pimped
poor blacks so you and sis could have a great education, to able you to use
BIG words to shit on the very people who helped you get where you are. TIGHT!
You are not “uppity,” but fucking ignorant and retarded. What you should check,
is why record companies think it’s “cool” to pimp country ghetto rap to the
masses, you know–like your dad did with the churches.

I’m not saying Ludacris is the shit, he’s a fool. But so are you, if you believe the hype. Black folks ARE country. It’s just so happens that we ALL came from the south. And it’s rather odd, with all that education and realization, you just keep stepping your ass back to one of the ghetto-ist arena around: Hiphop/Rap, you fool. Oh, and by the way, I’ve met Mos Def and Lootpack and them niggas is hella country. Kisses bitch

D.B. Womack

KATIE, CHECK ME OUT ONLINE!

TO KATIE SHIMER: I just finished reading your article on the personals [“You’re
You–But Not You,” April 18] and must say it was a great read with interesting
timing. I recently placed a personal online and it took quite a bit of convincing
to finally go through with it. I agree there is this stigma of the personals
being a hangout for desperate people, but it is not totally true–although there
are some definite freaks.

Anyhew, good luck in finding the right man. If you feel like giving fate a little push, check out my ad online.

Chris

RICCI REGURGITATION

DEAR MRS. ROMANO: Regarding your exposé on the Christina Ricci’s vomiting
faculties [“One Day,” April 18], it’s safe to say she would actually have an
easier time filling a 10-oz. tupperware container than a pop can, since your
average can of pop is a full 12 fluid ounces. But no apologies necessary, as
I’m sure a busy girl such as yourself has little time to read the fine print
on a Coke can.

Professor

ANN ROMANO RESPONDS: Actually, I said she “could not produce enough
vomit to fill a soda pop CAP”–not “can.” No apologies necessary, just stop
calling yourself “Professor.”

 

YOU ARE WORTHLESS AND WEAK

DEAR MERCURY: To the touchy-feely douche bag who wrote the “I, Anonymous”
entitled, “Was It Your Car I Hit on March 1?”: Who the fuck do you think you
are? “I, Anonymous” is not for the weak. Portland can do without your namby-pamby
whimperings. “I’m sooooo sorry I hit your nice shiny Honda.” Shut the fuck up.
Don’t you know this column is about the future middle class revolting against
the current middle class? Hey, fucktard, here’s some news: This world is going
to tear you apart if you don’t sprout some fucking balls and tell that assbag
not to park his Honda where you are going to be driving. In the words of the
almighty Dee Snyder, “You are worthless and weak.”

Anonymous

CONGRATS to Anonymous who sent in the Mercury “Letter of the
Week!” Wanna win tix to the Laurelhurst Theater?
Send in your rant or rave!

IT’S YOUR LAST CHANCE!

That’s right! Tuesday, April 30th is the last day to enter the “Mrs.
Portland Mercury” Beauty Pageant! Whether you are man, woman, married,
single, chaste, or slut, anyone over the age of 21 can enter this laff-a-minute
“beauty” contest. Send your NAME, ADDRESS, and DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER, along with
an ACTUAL PHOTO OF YOURSELF, a description of your TALENT, and a 200-word ESSAY
on why you want to be “Mrs. Portland Mercury” to the address above. And
yes! There will be fabulous prizes! Click
here for further details. C’mon Portland! Strut that stuff!