KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE

DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY—I am so grateful
for all of the attention the media is finally giving to the
dangers of bike commuting. Every time I bike across town I nearly get
run over at least once. Just today a driver cut across two lanes
without signaling and started backing up so she could parallel
park! She nearly ran me over, and I actually considered getting off my
bike to confront her about it. It’s definitely time to take the right
steps to prevent drivers’ ignorance of bikers. Then… maybe, just
maybe, some drivers might actually know the traffic laws pertaining to
bicyclists!

Petra W

WHEN BIKES AREN’T ENOUGH

DEAR TAGE SAVAGE [Letters, Nov 1, in which the letter writer
identified himself as a “law-breaking bicyclist”]—You are a giant
pus-filled boil on the entire bike culture of Portland. Assholes like
you, who hold a holier-than-thou opinion of themselves for riding a
bike because there are no carbon emissions, leave no room for those who
work outside of Portland and must rely on transportation other than
something that would turn their commute into a two-hour affair, those
who have handicaps and must rely on cars or public transportation, and
those that really just want to mow morons like you over with our cars,
like I certainly do. I’m glad that you at least realize that street
smarts are always necessary to get around the streets. But if you think
that even half of the bikers in Portland (of which I am one) do the
same, you really are a deluded fool.

James Dineen

REDHEADED SLAVERY

DEAR MERCURY—I keep seeing bits of culture in your
paper that seems to make me a little tight in the britches—that
is white guilt [“White Guilty,” Letters, Nov 8]. I am a redhead,
so white guilt is not a real issue for me, because WE got shipped
here as slaves too, so quit acting like there is something wrong with
you and be proud of your pale ass!

Friend of Redheads Engaging in Acquiring Knowledge for Social
Stability

HEARTLESS IS HEARTLESS

DEAR MERCURY—Wow. I can’t even believe you printed this
week’s I, Anonymous “Heartless vs. Homeless” [Nov 8]. Take 15
seconds of your time and visit Outside In’s website (outsidein.org), where you will learn
that 90 percent of homeless youth have had violence in their homes, 36
percent of homeless girls have a history of childhood sexual
abuse, and 30 percent are sexual minorities whose sexuality was most
likely not accepted by their families. If the author wants to scorn
someone, they should be scorning the scumbags to whom these kids had
the unfortunate luck to be born to.

 Jennifer Lembach

LESS ARTS COVERAGE, PLEASE

DEAR MERCURY—Do us a favor. Don’t write about opera
anymore [Arts, Nov 8]. When you review Portland Opera’s
Cinderella, and don’t mention the singing once in the article,
you obviously have no idea what you’re doing. So instead of writing a
decent review you make snarky comments like Too Much Coffee
Man‘s opera adaptation being a “questionable distinction” [“Book
Lovers Unite!” Feature, Nov 8]. If you don’t know opera, and you’re
just gonna bring the hipster ‘tude, spare us who actually know opera
your poor journalism and just stick to what you know (read: indie
rock).

Tyler Bradford, Production Manager, Opera Theater Oregon

DID THE FAT LADY SING?

DEAR MERCURY—Hmmm… I best remember Will Gardner
for his article, “Journey to the Bottom of My Colon” [Feature, July 21,
2005]. Little wonder his review of Portland Opera’s Cinderella seems to be pulled from his ass [Arts, Nov 8]. Every opera review
I’ve read in the Mercury has a standard format: 2/3 plot
synopsis, 1/3 description of the set. Kudos for branching out on this
one: 5/8 plot synopsis, 2/8 description of set, and 1/8 reference to
fucking one’s mother. 

Beth Madsen

IT’S TRADITION

DEAR MERCURY—It’s that time of the year again. That
time I write to you and tell you how much you fuck pigs. You dirty,
dirty pig fuckers. Well, I guess my job here is done. See you next
year.

Noah Adams

CONRATULATIONS TO NOAH for remembering this annual
holiday—we totally forgot, and didn’t get you a gift, so instead
we’re giving you the letter of the week, which includes two tickets to
the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!, where pigs are
more likely to be eaten than fucked (go figure).