Everything about this news story about a pony pooping inside a liquor store is perfect. Sooooo… since humanity has obviously reached the apex of perfection, I’m thinking it’s time we should all just hang it up. See you on the other side, suckers! (BLAM!! plop.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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