Not having the internet at home, I get utterly (and unproductively) consumed in the glory that is the World Wide Web when I get the chance—and as the Mercury‘s newest intern, now I get all the chances in the world! Of course, the best thing about the internet is once you leave the safety of e-mail or a respectable news/entertainment source (a-hem), it becomes a labyrinth of lost time. I couldn’t tell you how I came to discover these things, but I became quickly and completely obsessed with my findings.
1) Clocky the Robotic Alarm
Clocky is the brainchild of an engineering student. The beauty in this alarm is that once it goes off, it then proceeds to leap off your night stand or whathaveyou, then rolls about your floor making unexpected turns as it roams the room (carpet and hardwood compatible). This whole time Clocky is still making noise, forcing its owner to then get out of bed, hunt it down and turn it off. To better understand how awful a way this would be to wake up, click here. I wake up everyday to something gallivanting about making obnoxious noise too; but in my case it’s a rabid squirrel on my uninsulated roof, and unlike Clocky I don’t get to choose what time this horrid creature will ruin my REM.
p.s. It’s between $50 and $60. I’m sorry what? I truly wonder what this engineering student is doing now.
2) Singing Valentines from Pride of Portland Chorus
Ever since I saw Beaches, the 1988 hit chick-flick staring Bette Midler, I have been harboring the desire to send and/or receive a singing telegram (Remember, she dressed up as a scary giant rabbit? “Happy Birthday Bunny Boy!” …wait, what?). This may become a reality for me if I’m financially stable enough to cough up the $35+ (only $10 for a singing phone call) in time for the Big Day. A quartet will sing to your honey (I’d still take one person dressed as a Donnie Darkoesque bunny over four people in perfect harmony) and you can even pay extra to have them bring roses. The performances will ensue on Friday the 13th (scary bunny?) and Saturday the 14th.
Mrs. Midler herself with John Heard, the man to whom she sang while in costume…the other chick stole him right from underneath her big nose.
Couldn’t find a picture of Bette in Bunny form. She must be ashamed. Compare with plain Bette.
Meanwhile, and I’m just putting this out there, if any of our readers want to fulfill my telegram fantasy…I won’t object. I’m here on Fridays.
Over and out.
No offense to you, Molly, but since when does the unpaid intern get to use her real name? I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down.
IT’S MOTHERFUCKING CATURDAY!!! POST SOME MOTHERFUCKING CATS!!!
Also, NOIP is correct. You get a name (at the top) or a UNPAID INTERN billing (at the top). There are no other options.
Plus you cannot be both “over” and “out”. It’s one or the other, get your shit together intern.
re: a cat’s “You get a name (at the top) or a UNPAID INTERN billing (at the top). There are no other options.”
What about Sarah Mirk? I agree that, based on talent and shoe-leathering street cred alone, she’s far beyond mere “unpaid intern” status, but still…if rules are rules, and there are indeed “no other options,” then Sarah should have stayed “The Unpaid Intern” far longer than she did. Just sayin’.
And, actually, a cat, you said it too, back in the day…
“If y’all are taking requests, could we please give Sarah an “unpaid intern” byline just like the other interns?”
molly, your blog rox my sox!
“Over and out” is a reference to my obsession with walkie talkies – I can/will go into this at a further time.
Given the opportunity to name myself, this is what happened. I’m sorry it’s different, change can be hard. Maybe we can work something else out.
Molly, please just shut the fuck up. I’m trying to help you. Do you want to put out good articles, or be harassed by intarwebz trolls? It’s a serious question.
anti-asshole, Sarah got badgered relentlessly by both me and other blogtowners. She now signs her name at the top like a fucking grown-up. I think she’s on the payroll now, but i could be wrong. Either way, she does stuff right (i.e. stops posting stupid bike post after we inform her that Deep-V’s and tarck bikes are totally three years ago). The new interns (or: “Matthew” and “Molly”) could learn a few things from her.
Milfalicious, you can be “Over and out,” but it is rude.
“Over” means, “I’m done speaking, your turn”
“Out” means, “I’m done listening, my radio is going to be turned off”
“Over and Out” therefor means “I got the last word in and I don’t really care what you have to say about it because I’m turning my radio off now.” (Or as some people say “See you suckers!”, except you aren’t actually sure if it is an f or a s, so it may be “Fee you suckerf!” or something like that.)
Matt should totally investigate this ASAP.
MMG
good first post
you are on your way to e fame
-kyx
I like the “Unpaid Intern” handle myself, but we have three interns right now, and they can’t share the same login name. This is what happened. I think it’s an OK compromise.
Also, Sarah exists—she interned at the Stranger before going to school in Iowa.
Unpaid Arts Intern.
Unpaid News Intern.
Unpaid [whatever molly’s department is] Intern.
The problem solving skills at this paper are nil.
Actually, Matthew Vollono is already listed as “UNPAID ARTS INTERN”. Now what happened again? Explain it to me slowly, like I’m Kiala.
@A Cat. If you were my cat, I would feed you rat poison and have Matt Davis write a blog post investigating what happened to you.
Also, if I had one of those alarm clocks, it wouldn’t live for more than a day.
Will, if feeding me rat poison is what it will take for Matt to stop his whole “I’ve given up on life”-phase of journalism, I give you full permission.
We used to have one arts intern. Now we have three. (In the past, in relation to interns, “arts” has been broadly defined as “everything outside of the news department.”) Currently I’m the only section editor with my own intern, which is why Matthew got stuck with “Unpaid Arts Intern”; the other two new interns are providing general editorial assistance not confined to a specific section.
There’s still no reason for them to sign their names at the bottom. It makes them look brain-damaged.
Oh goodness. I think the comments are gonna be my favorite part. Good luck to you, Mo. Educate ’em.
For fuck’s sake, “mollyssister”. You’re supposed to log-in AS “UNPAID ARTS INTERN’S SISTER”. Is there something tragically damaged with the georgetta DNA?
I hate that I like you so much….
a cat –
wrong, she should not long-in as “unpaid arts intern’s sister” because as stated before, which you apparently did not get, i am not the arts intern.
sister – don’t provoke/would you like a mustache too?