Alien vs. Predator
Quite possibly the worst idea in the history of film: take two established and respected sci-fi/horror franchises and toss them in a blender, then let the utterly incompetent director of such classics as Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat randomly punch the “puree” and “dice” buttons. Oh, and there’s a love story between one of the human protaganists and one of the Predators. I shit you not. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
I only ask two things from scary movies about giant snakes: a) they’re scary, and b) they feature a lot of giant snakes. Anacondas fails to deliver on both of my admittedly simplistic criteria. Whether it’s for budgetary reasons or just because director Dwight Little knows how shitty Anacondas’ CG is, the snakes only show up briefly until the film’s final ten minutes. Once the fake-looking snakes come out, however, Anacondas actually gets kind of fun: snakes attack, snakes get stabbed, there’s a snake orgy, one snake gets set on fire, and it’s especially rad when this one snake gets stuck in a hole, Winnie the Pooh-style, and then a chick lops off its head with a machete. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.
Collateral
Jamie Foxx stars as Max, a cab driver in the hellish sprawl of Los Angeles. Max picks up Vincent (Tom Cruise), a hit man who needs to be shuttled around the city to make five messy appointments. The plot is pure pulp, and it should have been nurtured and groomed as such, rather than saddled with foreshadowing coyotes or lectures on genocide in Rwanda. Watching Collateral, you can see the straining–the pulled muscles and tendons–as Mann tries to force the film into something bigger than it should be. (Bradley Steinbacher) Regal Cinemas, etc.
The Cookout
An NBA star signs a massive deal with his hometown team, but he wants to show he’s still a neighborly guy–so he decides to throw a barbecue! Boy, that’s gotta be one exciting barbecue! Division Street, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV
Danny Deckchair See review this issue. Fox Tower 10
Der Golem See My, What A Busy Week! Old Town Pizza
* Donnie Darko: The Director’s Cut See review this issue. Cinema 21
Exorcist: The Beginning
No, nobody masturbates with a crucifix in this movie. Set in post-WWII Egypt, this prequel drags on for close to 90 minutes as a bastardization of The Mummy and Raiders of the Lost Ark until, during the last half hour, it employs its devil’s handbag of tricks: Nazis, facial putrefaction, hallucinations, and tasteful, gravelly-voiced statements like “You know you just want to shove your rotten cock in her juicy ass!” Exorcist: The Beginning isn’t a total wash, but it definitely lacks the nuance and believability that has made The Exorcist such a long-standing nightmare-maker. (Lance Chess) Regal Cinemas, etc.
Festival Express
Onboard the Festival Express, groups like the Grateful Dead, Janis Joplin, Buddy Guy, and The Flying Burrito Brothers rode across the Canadian countryside; ostensibly, they were there to put on a series of concerts, but more truthfully, they were onboard the rolling hippie paradise to party. One would hope that such a happy-go-lucky spirit would translate into a enjoyable film via the footage captured during the trip. Instead, Festival Express‘ flaws echo those of the music and time it wholeheartedly venerates. From loopy jams to dazed and confused pseudo-philosophy, the film never nails any coherent rhythm–and hearing the now-clichéd “peace, love, power of music” mantra over and over gets old pretty quickly. In other words, those wanting more substance than can be provided by a protracted jam from Sha Na Na will want to look elsewhere. (Erik Henriksen) Fox Tower 10
* Garden State
First time writer/director Zach Braff plays Andrew “Large” Largeman, a struggling L.A. actor who returns to his New Jersey home for his paraplegic mother’s funeral. Large’s less than cheery homecoming is uplifted by Sam (Natalie Portman), a compulsive liar who lives with her mother and a house full of hamsters. Sam is carefree, beautiful, charming as hell, and just what Large needs–so of course they meet, hit it off, and you can probably figure out the rest. There are definitely some holes in Braff’s writing and directing, but the film’s solid enough overall for one to look past its flaws and simply enjoy the story and the characters. (M. William Helfrich) Regal Cinemas, etc.
* Hero
The Chinese martial arts drama Hero blows away everything else currently playing–and possibly any other film released this year. It’s that good. Hero‘s story is deceptively simple–before China united as one empire, warring kingdoms fought for power. One of those areas had a king (Daoming Chen) intent on unifying China–a goal that was met with dissent. Enter Nameless (Jet Li), who has done what many thought impossible: killed three deadly assassins–Broken Sword (Tony Leung Chiu Wai), Flying Snow (Maggie Cheung), and Sky (Donnie Yen). As the king questions Nameless, Nameless’ deeds unfold in flashbacks that prove far more complex than they first appear. Hero‘s captivating story is tempered by astounding performances from Wai, Cheung, and Yen, but the real shock to American audiences will be Jet Li’s deep performance and the violent beauty of the film’s ethereal fight sequences. Cinematographer Christopher Doyle expertly captures those sequences’ exhilarating fluidity, and is equally adept with his painterly use of color throughout. Overall, Hero might be some of the most involving, gorgeous stuff ever committed to celluloid. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.
* The Hunting of the President
A remarkable documentary that provides a forensic report about how Bill Clinton’s personal enemies managed to orchestrate a massive media and political blitz against him. By simplifying each component of these personal and political attacks to their genesis–such as when Ken Starr is appointed by a highly partisan panel of judges–the film lays out a far-reaching network of connections and coincidences. At the same time, it manages to steer clear from fringe conspiracy theories by simply setting out the facts and letting the story tell itself. Based on a highly regarded book of the same title, Hunting is a candid and remarkable film, pulling in interviews from everyone from highly conservative journalists (providing their mea culpa) to Arkansas bumpkins talking about how they duped the “Ivy League media.” Plus, it’s always heartwarming to see America’s greatest president again! We miss you, Bill! (Phil Busse) Fox Tower 10
Intimate Strangers
The premise of a troubled woman meeting with a mild-mannered accountant to reveal her dark secrets is intriguing, but Intimate Strangers fails to find the right note with it. Anna (Sandrine Bonnaire) starts talking to an accountant, William (Fabrice Luchini), when she walks into his office by accident–it’s on the same floor as the therapist she was actually planning to see. The tone of self-importance never lets up, and Strangers quickly becomes tiresome as every little conversation about Anna’s lame husband struggles to impress you with its gravity. (Justin Sanders) Fox Tower 10
* Jaws
What makes Jaws so damn special? The answer lies not in Jaws‘ rep, but in its substance–it’s an old-fashioned adventure story of man vs. beast, with Moby Dick overtones, captivating characters, intense action, and humor. But ultimately, it’s how well Spielberg handles the fear of the unknown that gives Jaws its powerful kick. Seeing the film as it was meant to be seen–on the big screen, with a new 35mm print–makes one realize just what an important film Jaws is, and only on the big screen does the uncanny film wield its full, ominous power. (Michael Svoboda) Hollywood Theatre
* Ju-On
Ju-On‘s story begins with a social worker (Megumi Okina) who checks up on a family. What she finds is a house full of creaking noises and sinister shadows, and when she opens up a sealed closet, she unwittingly unleashes the vengeful spirits of a very disturbing little boy and his terrifying mother–who, we soon discover, were brutally murdered in the house. Now, all who enter the house are subject to a full-on haunting. Add a big black floating mass of pure evil hovering over people’s beds, and you’ve got some seriously scary shit. (Confusing, yes… but definitely scary.) (Michael Svoboda) Fox Tower 10
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park
Ah, good ol’ KISS. When they aren’t rockin’ and rollin’ all night and partyin’ every day, they’re playing “Cat Man,” “Space Ace,” “The Demon,” and “Star Child,” who fight against mad scientist Abner Devereaux (Anthony Zerbe)! Yep, KISS–not only did they help pave the way for corporate rock in the ’70s, but they also served as mankind’s tireless protectors from mad scientists! Clinton Street Theater
Maria Full of Grace
There are a lot of reasons to appreciate Maria Full of Grace not the least of which are its subtly beautiful cinematography and its impeccable performances. Unfortunately, the film–which follows a 17 year-old Columbian girl, Maria (Catalina Sandino Moreno), as she decides to become a “mule,” ingesting pellets full of heroin and smuggling them into the U.S. –doesn’t really have much to say, other than being a mule really sucks. Profound, that. (Erik Henriksen) Fox Tower 10
* Metallica: Some Kind of Monster
Some Kind of Monster shows an older, out of touch Metallica trying to work together to record their shitty St. Anger album. In the end, the film doesn’t bring about any huge epiphanies other than “Wow, it must be hard to realize that you used to rule the world, but now you suck.” That’s enough to make this documentary a bizarre but utterly compelling watch–especially if you, like me, love the shit out of Metallica. (Katie Shimer) Laurelhurst
* Napoleon Dynamite
There are plenty of laughs to mine from the pseudo-tortured lives of realistically nerdy, unpopular, and just plain odd 14- to 18-year-olds, and as Napoleon Dynamite proves, young geek alienation is just as fun to parody as its grownup counterparts. (Jennifer Maerz) Regal Cinemas, etc.
* Open Water
Open Water is less of a horror movie than a tense and fascinatingly fatalistic philosophical treatise. With sharks. Susan and Daniel are your all too average 21st-Century couple, so beleaguered by their high powered lives that they’re unable to relax, even while vacationing in the Bahamas. Things perk up, however, when the two take a crowded scuba boat to the middle of the ocean–and due to a very unfortunate series of accidents, are left floating alone in the briny blue. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Westgate
* Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch’s War on Journalism
Director Robert Greenwald’s documentary Outfoxed dissects media mogul Rupert Murdoch and the far-reaching influence of his Fox News Network, as well as the benefits Bush has reaped from its coverage. Reiterating the fact that the network proclaims itself to be “fair and balanced” before demonstrating that it most definitely isn’t, Outfoxed uses sarcasm and comic setups to keep the heady material punchy and engaging, with the result approaching high-minded slapstick. (Phil Busse) Clinton Street Theater
Paparazzi
Joining the prestigious ranks of Exorcist: The Beginning and Alien vs. Predator, Paparazzi is yet another late-summer release that wasn’t screened for critics. Why? Perhaps it’s because producer Mel Gibson is scared that you won’t go see it if you read what critics have to say about this revenge flick (which follows a celebrity’s vendetta against an overly-aggressive photographer). Then again, maybe it’s just so damn good that Gibson wants to surprise everyone with its greatness. Yeah. That’s probably it. Regal Cinemas, etc.
* Rear Window
Unfortunately, Jimmy Stewart is best remembered–especially during the holiday season–as a saccharine chump. What should overshadow that role are his moody and wise-cracking characters that he played to perfection in Hitchcock films. In Rear Window, Stewart’s bedridden after an accident and finds solace spying on his neighbors. When he witnesses what he believes is a murder, he takes it upon himself to play Sherlock Holmes. His saucy and beautiful girlfriend (Grace Kelly) thinks he simply has a bad case of cabin fever. Surprisingly edgy and gripping, Rear Window is one of Hitchcock’s greatest films. Screening as part of the Portland Monthly‘s Dive-In Theater series, which features food and drink by Clarklewis and Gotham Tavern on the open-air pool patio of McCormick Pier, plus the opportunity to sit around–or inside of–the pool. Plus, all proceeds benefit the Cascade AIDS Project. McCormick Pier
Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
A film about babies who are geniuses. Ironically, the film will most likely prove to be neither cute nor intelligent. Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Westgate, Wilsonville
Suspect Zero
Aaron Eckhart plays Agent Mackelway, who’s demoted to a tiny FBI office in Arizona where he’s immediately contacted by Benjamin O’Ryan (Ben Kingsley), a serial killer who only kills… wait for it… OTHER SERIAL KILLERS! Mack, along with his completely useless partner/former lover (Carrie-Anne Moss), races against time to catch this serial killing serial killer. Now, maybe I wouldn’t make a good FBI agent, but if I found out somebody was bumping off serial killers, my first reaction would be “AWESOME!” Makes everyone’s life easier, right? And that’s the main problem with Suspect Zero. Sure, it’s got the same discombobulating flashy visual style as a Seven or Silence of the Lambs, but it lacks any of the narrative drive. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.
* This Is Spinal Tap
Smell the glove once again with David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls in this rock mockumentary by Christopher Guest. Pix Patisserie
* Twilight Samurai
At the end of Japan’s samurai period, Seibei Iguchi (Hiroyuki Samada) is a low-level samurai who’s actually more like Mr. Mom with a samurai sword–since his wife died, he alone cares for his two young daughters and his senile mother. Iguchi’s teased and scorned by his peers, who don’t realize that Iguchi’s hidden, considerable samurai skills are simply less important to him than his children. While the lonely Iguchi realizes he can’t continue to deny himself a future when he reunites with his childhood crush Tomoe (Rie Miyazawa), he also discovers that he can’t ignore his past as a swordsman when turmoil begins to envelop the nation. A meditative, emotional film that retains an understated beauty through Yoji Yamada’s naturalistic direction, even Twilight Samurai‘s sappy denouement can’t take away from the film’s steady, engaging portraiture. (Erik Henriksen) Hollywood Theatre
Uncovered: The War in Iraq See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater, Lloyd Mall
Vanity Fair
Reese Witherspoon plays cartoon-faced social climber Becky Sharp in this shallow, highly uninteresting screen rendition of the classic novel by William Makepeace Thackeray. As is the case with a lot of Hollywood book adaptations, Vanity Fair assumes you know the whole story–not to mention the deep-seated motivations of each character–and therefore the film doesn’t bother to develop any character in any compelling way; evil characters are downright evil, naive characters are completely clueless, and Reese’s character seems like a nice governess one minute and a backstabbing, money-grubbing whore the next. If you care about a cunning woman’s class struggle in 19th-Century Europe, then for chrissakes exercise a brain cell and put Thackeray’s book on hold at the library. (Katie Shimer) City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Tigard Cinemas
Video Night
What night is it? Video Night! Part of Savage’s First Friday event, Video Night is curated by Chris Johanson and features work by Will Rogan, Jo Jackson, Harrell Fletcher, Euan McDonald, Robert Arnold, Liz Miller, Robert Linder, and others. Savage
We Don’t Live Here Anymore
Mark Ruffalo is Jack, a college professor on summer vacation, living an awful life with his wife (Laura Dern) and two kids somewhere in an undisclosed East Coast location. Peter Kraus is a nearby colleague with more accolades, a better body, and a much hotter wife, Edith (Naomi Watts). Ruffalo’s Jack is already engaged in a torrid affair with Edith at the film’s outset, but his motivations are hazy. He claims he loves her, but then he also hates his wife (it’s hard to love Laura Dern no matter how you slice it), and yet he loves his kids, and when push comes to shove he can’t leave them. His friendship with Kraus’ Hank is also complicated; one built on competition and envy, and there’s always the chance that deep down he’s just trying to beat Hank at something, anything. It’s never a boring film, but it’s never really fascinating either, largely due to the fact that these characters are so realistically despicable, it’s just impossible to enjoy watching them. (Justin Sanders) Fox Tower 10
Wicker Park See review this issue. Regal Cinemas, etc.
Wild Zero
An Asian cult classic with a plot way too crazy to repeat here, but know that it contains zombies, Yakuza, drugs, mutilations, flaming motorcycles, and female arms dealers. Interested yet? Mallory Hotel Parking Garage
Without a Paddle
Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, and the curiously funny Dax Shepard embark on a trip through the woods after their childhood friend Billy dies. Despite the juvenile plot (and the presence of Matthew Lillard, the most grating and horrible actor working today), Without a Paddle is funnier than you would think. (Katie Shimer) Regal Cinemas, etc.
Zatôichi
While Zatoichi (Takeshi Kitano)–a blind samurai who can take out ten 20/20-blessed thugs with a few thunderous swipes of his combo walking stick/samurai sword–is a badass, his movie (also directed by Kitano) isn’t quite as cool. An awkward combination of Kurosawa’s ponderous Japanese samurai epics and the desperate schizophrenia of an early Jackie Chan flick, Zatoichi attempts too much. It’s not that this makes for a bad film, per se, just an exceedingly uneven one. (Erik Henriksen) Cinemagic