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That’s how The Bronze opens, so it’s as good a place as any to start a review of The Bronze. How you feel about that opening shot is probably a pretty good indication of how you’ll feel about the film as a wholeโ€”it certainly does set the tone. The Bronze is good old-fashioned shock comedy, set in and around the world of professional gymnastics, helmed by a defiantly unlikeable protagonist who does lots of things that chipper little blonde girls aren’t supposed to doโ€”the aforementioned diddling; lines of pain medicine; anonymous drunken sex with strangers; soda that isn’t diet.

Alison Hallett served nobly as the Mercury's arts editor from 2008-2014. Her proud legacy lives on.