I THINK I hate Jaden Smith.
This is a mean thing to say about a 12-year-old. Jealousy makes you say mean things. Why isn’t my dad the biggest movie star in the world? Why didn’t I inherit Will Smith’s charisma and charm? Instead, I’m professionally known as “Fatboy,” I’m built like the nightmare offspring of Samwise Gamgee and R2-D2, and I had to witness (not watch, witness) Jaden Smith in the new Karate Kid movie—one of the few remakes that could be better than the original. At age 12, he flat-out owns this movie. I barely own my car.
This Karate Kid is structurally the same as the 1984 original, but the details have been either amped up (“sweep the leg” becomes “break his leg”) or completely changed. Dre (Smith) lives in Detroit with his autoworker mom. Detroit sucks. So they move to China, because that’s where someone who makes cars in Detroit needs to go if they wanna keep making cars. Unfortunately, in China, tiny, sweetly confused American kids like Dre who try too hard to look cool? They get beat up. This makes China suck. What China has over Detroit (aside from a healthy automotive industry) is Jackie Chan. He knows kung fu, and is willing to teach it to Dre. Inspirational cinema ensues.
The Karate Kid is pure formula: uncut, chemical-grade, Rocky-brand dope. It’s blatantly, unfairly manipulative, and I love it for that; even when plot points were telegraphed from continents away, I still smiled when they reached me, largely due to Smith and Chan’s great performances. The true test of this movie’s success: Hardened, jaded movie critics, miming sloppy kung fu moves at each other in a rainy parking lot following the screening, with giant grins on their faces like the 12-year-old boys they used to be. It almost made me forget to be ragingly jealous of Jaden Smith.
Almost.
“even when plot points were telegraphed from continents away, I still smiled when they reached me, largely due to Smith and Chan’s great performances”
F*ck you Fatboy and/or Court! This movie is shear blasphemy. People should this boycott movie to convince Hollywood NOT to remake movies we loved.
I had no clue Lil’ Bow Wow was Will Smith’s son. Until now.
hey, all martial arts are the same! kung fu, karate, whatever. they all look alike to me! the styles, i mean. the styles all look …. alike … oh okay, i’ll go LiveJournal about it….
Some 12-year-old GIRLS do karate.
Just sayin’.
I’m not sure what you’re just sayin, tho.
Also, the film does at least give a one-line nod to how silly the title is: Jaden chides his mom for saying he’s gonna start taking Karate classes, instead of correctly referring to it as Kung-Fu. The only reason the title is still there is for marketing purposes – the studio believes it’ll make a few million because the name is familiar.
My only serious complaints: it IS a little too lon, for whatever reason Harald Zwart decides to direct part of the Kung Fu tournament like it’s The Shield (HOW HARD IS IT TO LOCK THE CAMERA DOWN AND LET THE STUNTPEOPLE GET CRAZY) and the move he came up with to replace The Crane Kick is gloryhallastoopid. Seriously, it shocked an incredulous “WHAAAAAAAAT” out of me during the screening.
This movie SUCKS, hands down! And it seems that most film reviewers know it, but are too ‘effing PC to say so just b/c it stars a little kid. Will Smith’s kid at that. Will Smith himself sucks. Jackie Chan sucks.
The original Karate Kid wasn’t very good, itself. It was ah`ight for a childrens’ flick, about it.
Evil Wm.Steven Humpers you’ll eat your words on remakes when you see the Coens brothers remake of “True Grit”.That was an academy awarded film and I bet The Coens bros will be as awesome.Boycott deez nuts….back to the rag.
You idiot! Bow Wow is NOT Will Smith’s son! Bow Wow is the son of Alfonso Moss and Teresa Caldwell! Bow Wow’s real name is Shad Gregory Moss! And who ever told you that is an even bigger idiot than you are! Will Smith’s son…… oh, please!