Pr`te-a-Porter
If you have a boner for DIY fashion, you know that the best place to learn
about clothing is not on the street, the Oscars, or in the thrift stores–it’s
on video. Learn by example from the following “funky” fashion films!
• So Fine(1981)–Ryan O’Neil rips out the ass of his pants accidentally
and has to walk down a city street–but his butt is so tight, the corn-rowed
hotties who see it go wild, and assless pants become a national fad. Like a
good, horny capitalist, he begins marketing them under the “So Fine” brand name.
A great idea, but there’s one plot hole–clear, PVC ass chaps would make butts
sweat hotter than a pig ranch. Ass sweat is TOTALLY unattractive.
• Troop Beverly Hills (1989)–Shelley Long! Quelle muse enchante! Her
Brownie Mom outfit wears like a WWII nurse ensemble, and she accessorizes with
the most fabulous in ’80s fashion, such as oversized sunglasses and slutty negligees.
Good merit patches complete the look; add camping dust for some hot gutter punk
action.
• Unzipped(1995)–The documentary about gay Jewish designer Isaac Mizrahi.
As with all fashion designers, he plucks his eyebrows and wears only black,
but the real joie de vivre is to be found in the subtleties: the hair-sweeping
bandanna headband Isaac wears wherever he goes. He also gets design ideas from
his Ouija board. Lofty, yes, but tres effective. In the spirit of Isaac, perhaps
you might like to cop the fashion of that great ’80s film…
• Witchboard (1985)–Nothing says “DIY” like Tawny “Whitesnake” Kitaen,
especially when she’s possessed by a demon channeled through her Ouija. Companies
sell hair products to make you look like you haven’t washed your hair for a
couple days; take it from Tawny, all you have to do to get that just-humped
tress is to spend a couple of hours in the clutches of an evil spirit from beyond.