Mostly Harmless

As far as age-inappropriate obsessions go, the “teenage vampire
romance” is a bit more my style than the “high schooler living the
double life as a pop star”—but that doesn’t mean I didn’t totally
understand the giddy little girls at the Hannah Montana: The
Movie screening, because I totally did.

For those over the age of 13, here’s the deal: Hannah Montana is a Disney franchise about a tweenage superhero with a double
identity. By day, she’s Miley Stewart, a Tennessee-born-and-bred high
schooler who’s a bit awkward, a bit mischievous, and a bit pretty. By
night, she puts on a blonde wig and high heels to become Hannah
Montana, a world-class superstar who wins over fans one chorus, bridge,
and mischievous grin at a time.

(Extra bonus facts! Miley Stewart is played by Miley Cyrus. Her
on-show father, Robby Ray Stewart, is played by Miley’s real-life
father, Billy Ray Cyrus. Cyrus-the-younger tours as Hannah Montana, and
routinely sells out arenas in full of screaming girls, with tickets
scalping for hundreds of dollars. Meta!)

So Hannah Montana: The Movie centers on two weeks the family
spends in Tennessee after Papa Bear Robby Ray decides that Miley is
becoming too focused on her Hannah side and forgetting what’s
important. Miley whines that she has to miss an event in NYC, but once
Robby Ray drags her home, she settles right in, riding horses with her
childhood crush (the generically dreamy Travis, played by Lucas Till),
playing guitar in the barn loft, and hanging out at the farmers market
with grammy.

Materialistic and bratty, Hannah seems more the Mr. Hyde to Miley’s
Dr. Jekyll than the Superman to her Clark Kent. It’s the Miley of the
movie who’s the gem: A wholesome kid dressed in knee-length skirts and
overalls and plaid shirts and sweet little dresses, she’s the one being
held up as the real hero, her small little life being framed as the one
worth saving. “Be a kid!” the movie shouts at its audience. “There’s
plenty of time later to be a hussied-up superstar!”

I had a stupid smile on my face throughout this whole funny, silly,
harmless, messy little movie. It’s cheesy in a totally delightful way.
There’s about a half-dozen songs, but they aren’t intrusive or all that
embarrassing—just one more type of cheesy cheese to like about
this cheesy movie. If I had a young daughter, I’d be happy to let her
be obsessed with this little flick for a while—especially when I
know what other obsessions (*cough*teenage vampire
romance*cough*) await her.