Thereโ€™s a phenomenal sequence early in Steven Spielbergโ€™s Ready Player One: Countless vehicles rev their engines at a starting line, the air electric. Thereโ€™s the DeLorean from Back to the Future. Thereโ€™s Adam Westโ€™s Batmobile. Thereโ€™s Speed Racerโ€™s Mach 5 and the Akira motorcycle. But itโ€™s not important what the vehicles are so much as what Spielberg does with them: The race starts and the cars peel out, speeding and skidding over twisted, contorting roads, launching into the air and spinning into crashes. Itโ€™s such a great car chaseโ€”even before King Kong and Jurassic Parkโ€™s T-rex show upโ€”that you forget itโ€™s all CGI. Itโ€™s just motion and color and sound, expertly cut together, telling a story that thrills and delights. Itโ€™s a reminder that when Spielbergโ€™s firing on all cylinders, nobody else even comes close.

And from this high, Ready Player One plunges straight downhill.

Adapted from Ernest Clineโ€™s 2011 novel, Ready Player One takes place in two realities: One is a vague American dystopia where people spend their time logged in to a virtual world, the OASIS. The OASIS is where most of the film takes placeโ€”anyone can do whatever they want there, but for reasons best described as โ€œstrained,โ€ all these characters want to do is relive the pop culture of the โ€™80s and โ€™90s. To a soundtrack of Duran Duran and Van Halen, they race and shoot through an exhausting, Whereโ€™s Waldo-style mess of characters and properties. Thereโ€™s the Iron Giant, and thereโ€™s Beetlejuice; there are Halo Spartans and Battletoads battletoads; thereโ€™s The Shiningโ€™s Overlook Hotel and Say Anythingโ€™s boombox. Nearly every frame in Ready Player One is crammed with characters both loved and unlovedโ€”from Overwatchโ€™s Tracer to Chucky from Childโ€™s Play, so long as a trademarked property is recognizable, itโ€™s somewhere in the movie.

You are correct in noticing that I have not yet mentioned Ready Player Oneโ€™s story. This is partly because itโ€™s basically a bookshelf built to showcase nostalgic junk, and mostly because it is bad. Since Spielberg doesnโ€™t seem terribly interested in Ready Player Oneโ€™s story, I donโ€™t see why we should be, so Iโ€™ll just say this: There are a few great actors here (Mark Rylance, Olivia Cooke, Simon Pegg, Lena Waithe) who occasionally get to emote from behind dead-eyed CGI avatars, and there is also one great actor (Ben Mendelsohn) whose most memorable moment is getting kicked in the balls.

The strange thing about Ready Player One is that itโ€™s not about the things it purports to love: Sure, thereโ€™s a Wookieepediaโ€™s worth of trivia here, with nods to everything from Buckaroo Banzai to Mortal Kombat, but unless youโ€™re an aging nerd who grew up with these things, itโ€™s hard to tell who Ready Player One is even for. (Maybe itโ€™s for people who enjoy recognizing things?) It gets worse when you realize that in the OASIS, oneโ€™s stature is determined by oneโ€™s knowledge of pop culture: The smartest, strongest, and sexiest characters are the ones who can recite the most esoteric bullshit about Atari and Mobile Suit Gundam; the weakest are those who donโ€™t spot every Street Fighter or Battlestar Galactica easter egg. Thereโ€™s no room in the OASIS for (ugh) casual fans, and the one character whoโ€™d be most at homeโ€”The Simpsonsโ€™ sneering Comic Book Guyโ€”might be the only one missing.

The one character whoโ€™d be most at homeโ€”The Simpsonsโ€™ sneering Comic Book Guyโ€”might be the only one missing.

This geekier-than-thou reference-dropping feels all the more hollow because of whoโ€™s behind it: As one of the architects of the pop culture that Ready Player One blindly reveres, the 70-year-old Spielberg is in a unique spot to examine that culture, revisit it, or rebuild it. He doesnโ€™t.

Maybe thatโ€™s because he was distractedโ€”Spielberg went off and made The Post while waiting for programmers to finish Ready Player Oneโ€™s CGIโ€”or maybe itโ€™s because once you scratch at geek culture, its pasty underbelly starts to show. It wasnโ€™t long ago that racist fanboys were protesting Michael B. Jordanโ€™s casting as the Human Torch, that Gamergate misogynists were doxxing women, or that a fan-edit of The Last Jedi deleted that filmโ€™s female protagonists.

Thatโ€™s not to say geek culture is inherently bad. But it is to say that geek culture isโ€”at least in theoryโ€”built on an appreciation of shared stories, characters, and worlds. Thereโ€™s value in that, but it doesnโ€™t only come from being entertained, or finding others who love the same things. It comes from examining what those shared stories say, what those characters stand for, and how those worlds reflect our own.

Ready Player One doesnโ€™t have any thoughts about that stuff. It just dumps a bunch of action figures on the table and makes them fight. Itโ€™s nostalgia for the sake of nostalgia, and by the time its end credits roll, one wonders if there was anything worth being nostalgic about in the first place.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.