Thursday, October 10
8:00 ABC MONKDetective Monk gets tossed in the looney bin, but uses his time wisely by investigating a murder and gargling Prozac.
10:00 NBC E.R.When a patient pulls a gun in the E.R., Dr. Carter cries like a baby for metal detectors. (Wouldn’t that make it hard for wheelchairs to get through, jackass?)
Friday, October 11
8:00 FOX SUPERCOP 2–Movie(1993) Jackie Chan and martial arts hottie Michelle Yeoh team up in one of the most kick-ass chop-socky flicks ever!
8:00 FX FIRE DOWN BELOW–Movie(1997) This is either a movie about Steven Seagal taking on toxic dump criminals, or his ongoing battle with gonorrhea.
Saturday, October 12
10:00 TOON HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSESkeletor steals the magical “ramstone,” which forces He-Man to start wearing a shirt.
10:00 FOOD IRON CHEFThis week it’s the “Battle Octopus,” which would be a lot cooler if they made the octopi actually fight.
Sunday, October 13
9:00 ABC ALIASVaughn and Will get all testosterone-y when they discover they are both crushed out on Sydney!
10:30 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASMThe poop hits the fan when Larry somehow becomes involved in a terrorist plot at an Alanis Morissette concert.
Monday, October 14
10:00 CBS CSI: MIAMIHoratio and the gang investigate a mysterious murder at the beach, which I’m sure will involve a thong.
Tuesday, October 15
8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYERSchool counselor Buffy plans on saving a student who is able to predict her own death–just as soon as she finishes her cigarette in the teacher’s lounge.
9:00 WB SMALLVILLEClark’s class ring contains red kryptonite, which turns him from sweet and hunky into hunky and eeeeevil.
Wednesday, October 169:00 WB BIRDS OF PREYDr. Harley Quinn hires a “metahuman” to take on the bat-girls. (Something tells me this is the last time she’ll use a temp agency.)
9:00 NBC WEST WINGAn Israeli air strike interrupts Bartlet’s preparation for the presidential debate, which would still leave him three times smarter than George Bush.