THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 24
8:00 FOX THE O.C. Finally! Seth’s dreams come true when his tongue winds up in Summer’s mouth.
9:00 FOX STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP An AWESOME special proving that, without their makeup, celebrities are just as ass-ugly as we are!
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25
9:00 CMT DUKES OF HAZZARD When Bo and Luke steal some slot machines from Sheriff Roscoe, he vows, “I’ll git them Duke boys!”
10:00 SCI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA After capturing a cylon, the Galactica gang decides to “interrogate” it–using a very sharp pair of pliers.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 26
8:00 SPIKE CARPOCALYPSE Debut! Professional stunt drivers race school buses, and participate in “blindfolded trailer races.”
9:00 SPIKE BOOM! Debut! Very much like the above show, except with professionals blowing shit up.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 27
3:00 WB LIVE FROM THE ACADEMY AWARDS Where you can make fun of the ugly dresses, and how fat Renee Zellweger is getting.
5:30 ABC THE ACADEMY AWARDS Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. MONDAY,
FEBRUARY 28
8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR Former stars of reality shows compete in grueling contests and eat worms–which they were doing anyway, right?
TUESDAY, MARCH 1
8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS Emily receives a belated post-wedding gift from Lorelai; a monogrammed ass chewing.
10:00 ABC NYPD BLUE Final episode! Sipowicz is sentenced to life in prison for 12 seasons of boring people to death.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2
8:00 ABC LOST Hurley races off into the jungle after becoming obsessed with a French woman (as we all have at one time or another).
9:00 ABC ALIAS In order to save Nadia from Sark, Vaughn is forced to dig up his ex-wife’s body! Ewww! YEAH!