Son of the Mask
dir. Guterman
Opens Fri Feb 18
Various Theaters
[Editor’s Note: When it came time to decide what the Portland Mercury Users’ Group Yahoo! Group would do with the film section, it was easy: Send them to see Jamie Kennedy in Son of the Mask, the sequel to the 1994 Jim Carrey vehicle The Mask. In PMUGYG’s tried and true iChat style, we present their pained review. The complete transcript is at http://www.urbanhonking.com/cinemascope.]
j_john: dude!
jessicapdx23: dood
jessicapdx23: so j_john, how did you enjoy spending your saturday morning waiting in line in the rain to see son of the mask?
j_john: people should be paid to do that sort of thing–people like erik henriksen
jessicapdx23: this was worse than the masters of the universe movie
j_john: good things:
j_john: glad it was under 90 minutes
j_john: norse mythology is cool
j_john: i like the color green
j_john: uhhh…that’s about it
jessicapdx23: they seemed to think that when the baby and the dog were under the influence of the mask they could treat them like cartoon characters, in terms of violence
jessicapdx23: which was honestly both stupid and disturbing
jessicapdx23: getting hit over the head with an anvil or whatever only works in cartoon world
j_john: well there was that whole, “don’t let the baby watch tv” part
jessicapdx23: oh yeah, that was redeeming
jessicapdx23: unfortunately, letting your kids watch son of the mask rots their brain too
jessicapdx23: so it’s kind of a wash
j_john: i was trying to hear the moments when the parents would laugh
j_john: it was mostly when someone would get kicked in the balls
jessicapdx23: we have to do an inventory
jessicapdx23: two? three? getting hit in the crotch jokes
jessicapdx23: two fart jokes and one poop joke
jessicapdx23: i liked that alan cumming was kind of gay in this. with his little twinkly smile, and his lip gloss, and lots of eye makeup
jessicapdx23: i mean, i know he’s gay, but they made him pretty gay in the movie
j_john: subversive
jessicapdx23: that’s what it was all about when they were asking the kid to choose
jessicapdx23: “do you want to be a homo? or do you want to come home to your NICE NORMAL HETEROSEXUAL FAMILY?!”
j_john: i was kind of wondering how they would wrap it up when the wife came home
jessicapdx23: “oh, weird, my husband has a strange rubber green face, and this spiky haired freak has kidnapped my child? I guess the best way to deal with this is to let my baby decide if he likes Alan Cumming or…uh…Jamie Kennedy better.”
jessicapdx23: so, since no one who reads the mercury is going to see this movie, what do we want to leave them with?
jessicapdx23: sitting at home and staring at the wall is more fun than this movie
jessicapdx23: so is getting food poisoning at applebee’s
jessicapdx23: also eating glass
jessicapdx23: and macrame
j_john: if you’re a guy, just punch yourself in the nuts–it’ll make everyone laugh and you’re prolly too inept to have kids anyway