Here’s what I learned about 22-year-olds from the new Taylor Swift video “22”:

1) 22-year-olds like to dress up like hipsters. (This is an important distinction, because according to them they are definitely NOT hipsters.)

2) 22-year-olds are both “magical” and “miserable.” But I would guess not in equal portions.

3) 22-year-olds are “happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.” Kind of like Alanis Morissette was 17 years ago when she had one hand in her pocket, and the other one giving a peace sign.

4) 22-year-olds have their own “gang sign” which is holding up two fingers on each hand. This is not as good as the 44-year-olds gang sign, or MC Hammer’s “2 Legit 2 Quit” gang sign.

5) 22-year-olds wear cat ears—which I’m sorry, is so sad it absolutely breaks my heart.

6) 22-year-olds have the worst parties and are the worst dancers.

7) Taylor Swift is actually 23… but that’s something 23-year-olds do. Wish they were 22.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

9 replies on “New Taylor Swift Video Humiliates Everyone Who is Currently 22”

  4. What do you expect from people who were born AFTER THE FALL OF THE FUCKING BERLIN WALL??!? (And that includes Taylor Swift, by five weeks.)

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