Yes it’s cold out, and yes the distance between your bed and the car door seems like an epic journey across the frozen tundra. But get real–you live on the West Coast! And just so you don’t wake up in April with a spare tire around your waist and atrophied leg muscles, wondering how you turned into such a disgusting bag of flab, we are going to once again tell you: Dancing is the only way for an urban soul to survive the winter, period. It’s also the only way to get your body feeling authentically hot, without any use of skin moisture-sucking radiators or literal sex acts. And lucky for you, Portland is brimming with a full week’s roster of just some of the events that can keep you slim and sane during the dark months to come:

THURSDAYS

ยท Booty: Queer As Ye Be, Porky’s, 835 N Lombard, 9 pm, $3 after 10

ยท Reggae & Dancehall w/DJ Uni-T, Wax, 5101 N Interstate, 9 pm, $3-5, All Ages

ยทSteppers Club (last Thursdays, next: Jan 27), Dunes, 1905 NE MLK, 10 pm, free

ยทRudeboy Shufflin’ w/DJs riceNpeas & Short Change (vintage and modern reggae, third Thursdays, next: Jan 20), Noir, 203 SE Grand, 10 pm, free

FRIDAYS

ยทRotate w/rotating PDX DJs, Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, midnight, free

ยทShut Up & Dance w/DJ Gregarious (“80s), Fez, 316 SW 11th, 10 pm, $4

ยทKingston Lounge w/DJs Uni-T, Hightower, more (reggae, dancehall, 1st & 3rd Fridays, next: Jan 21), The Sea, 318 SW 3rd, 9 pm, $5

ยทFirst Friday Super Jam w/DJ Wicked, guests (hiphop, funk, ’80s, breaks, soul, electro, first Fridays, next: Feb 4), Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 10 pm, $4

ยทSuicide Club w/DJ Nightschool (2nd Fridays, next: this Friday 14), Dunes, 10 pm, free

SATURDAYS

ยทDeathByDisco w/Deejay Teenage, guests (disco & hiphop, second Fridays or Saturdays, check holocene.org for schedule), Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $3

ยทDance it Up! w/Paula B. & King Fader, Berbati’s, 10 SW 3rd, 9:30 pm, free

ยทKnotty Disco w/DJs Mr MuMu, Barrett Paul & the Knotty DJs, Doug Fir Lounge, midnight, $8

ยทMainstream Hiphop Club Night w/DJ Puma, Wax, 9 pm $6, All Ages

ยทATLAS w/DJs Anjali, E3, The Incredible Kid (1st & 3rd Saturdays, next: this Saturday 15), Holocene, 9 pm, $5, free before 10 pm

ยทLive from Momo’sโ€ฆ It’s Saturday Night! w/DJ Wicked, guests (underground & old school hiphop classics), Momo’s, 725 SW 10th, 10 pm, free

ยทDJs Evil One & Sneakers (hiphop classics, every other Saturday, next: this Saturday), XV, 15 SW 2nd, 10 pm, $5

SUNDAYS

ยทSnatch: A Dyke Knight (1st & 3rd Sundays, next: this Sunday 16), Doug Fir Lounge, 6-11 pm, $5

ยทJack: Queer As F**k (2nd & 4th Sundays, next: Jan 23), Doug Fir Lounge, 6-11 pm, $5

ยทThe Cypher w/guest DJs (all-element freestyle), Wax, 9 pm, $3, All Ages

ยทSwing Dance lesson 7 pm & dance 8 pm, Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, $6, All Ages

ยทTart: A Swank Soiree Where the Queer Girls Play w/DJs K-Tel, Harmony, more (2nd & 4th Sundays), Holocene, 4 pm, $5

ยทBreakfast of Champions (cartoons & dance party, 3rd Sundays, next: this Sunday, anniversary edition, Jan 16), Holocene, 1-7 pm, $3

ยทHive w/DJ Horrid, Lola’s, 1332 W Burnside (inside Crystal Ballroom), 9 pm, $3

ยทJetset Lounge w/rotating DJs (downtempo, worldbeat, dub), Goodfoot, 10 pm, free

ยทDJ Blackout, Dunes, 10 pm, free

MONDAYS

ยท2 x 4 on the Floor w/DJs Evil One & Izm (old school hiphop, funk, electronic), Doug Fir Lounge, 10 pm, free

ยทArgentine Tango w/Robert Hauk & Maija Wells, Bossanova, 722 E Burnside, $8 includes lesson 7-8 pm & dancing until midnight

TUESDAYS

ยทRaw Power w/DJ Gregarious (Brit pop, glam, punk, rock), Doug Fir Lounge, 10 pm, free

ยทEast Coast Swing, Bossanova, $8 includes lesson 7:30 pm, 8:30 pm & dancing until midnight

ยทTaint Queer Dance Party w/DJs Yeah Yeah, Astro, Automaton, Wesley (Latin hiphop, ’80s, ’90s, new wave, electronica, disco, funk, 1st & 3rd Tuesdays, next: this Tuesday, 18), Goodfoot, 10 pm, $3-5 sliding

ยทTaintedBeats w/DJs Paulanet, Zanne, Fly, Yeah Yeah (electronica/international dance beats, 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, next: Jan 25), Goodfoot, 10 pm, $3-5 sliding

WEDNESDAYS

ยทStrictly Salsa!!! hosted by Roger Rumba, $5 includes lesson w/ Sylvia Haugland, Bossanova, 9-9:30 pm & dancing

ยทLevel the Vibes (reggae, dancehall), Conan’s, 3862 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, free

ยท BBoy & BGirl foundation class, 6:30-8 pm, $7; open floor break sessions, 9 pm, $3, Wax, 5101 N Interstate, All Ages

ยทBreakdancing, Nocturnal, 5-7 pm, $10; Tango lesson, 7:30 pm, $10, All Ages

ยทParty Line queer dance party (2nd & 4th Wednesdays), Holocene, 9 pm, $3

Marjorie Skinner is the Portland Mercury's Managing Editor, author of the weekly Sold Out column chronicling the area's independent fashion and retail industry, and a frequent contributor to the film and...