Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about:

Believing in ghosts: That's just bullshit.

Staying up until 2 am looking at Facebook photos of former boyfriends: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Toddlers wearing a fedora: That's wrong.

Grown women wearing a fedora: That's wrong.

Grown men wearing a fedora: That's wrong.

Feeling guilty about not taking down your Christmas decorations: Don't sweat it... you've got three more weeks.

Assuming the new Star Wars is going to be awesome: Wrong. It won't be.

Wearing sunglasses on the back of your head: They belong on the front of your head.

Paying over $1,000 to save the life of a cat: Wrong.

Winter farmer's markets: (Eye roll.) Wrong.

Yoga pants: Wrong.

Using a coffee shop as your personal office: Go somewhere else, wrong person.

Allowing Johnny Depp to make any filmmaking decision: He's always wrong.

"Just be yourself": Don't... because you're wrong.

Complaining about children on airplanes: You're the only child on this airplane.

Claiming you enjoy Ingmar Bergman films: No you don't.

Thinking FaceTime is fun: No it isn't.

"Tall soy half-caff white chocolate mocha no whip.": Wrong.

Your juice cleanse: You're wrong, and we don't want to hear about it.

"Uptown funk gonna give it to you.": Uptown funk has no intention of giving it to you.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Actually not so smart.

The Prophet Mohammad: Super overrated.

Luther the TV Show: You're wrong and you owe me an apology for suggesting it.

American snipers are okay, because they're not foreign snipers: Wrong.

Boyfriend jeans: Shut up. They're your jeans.