Hi. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about:
Believing in ghosts: That’s just bullshit.
Staying up until 2 am looking at Facebook photos of former boyfriends: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Toddlers wearing a fedora: That’s wrong.
Grown women wearing a fedora: That’s wrong.
Grown men wearing a fedora: That’s wrong.
Feeling guilty about not taking down your Christmas decorations: Don’t sweat it… you’ve got three more weeks.
Assuming the new Star Wars is going to be awesome: Wrong. It won’t be.
Wearing sunglasses on the back of your head: They belong on the front of your head.
Paying over $1,000 to save the life of a cat: Wrong.
Winter farmer’s markets: (Eye roll.) Wrong.
Yoga pants: Wrong.
Using a coffee shop as your personal office: Go somewhere else, wrong person.
Allowing Johnny Depp to make any filmmaking decision: He’s always wrong.
“Just be yourself”: Don’t… because you’re wrong.
Complaining about children on airplanes: You’re the only child on this airplane.
Claiming you enjoy Ingmar Bergman films: No you don’t.
Thinking FaceTime is fun: No it isn’t.
“Tall soy half-caff white chocolate mocha no whip.”: Wrong.
Your juice cleanse: You’re wrong, and we don’t want to hear about it.
“Uptown funk gonna give it to you.”: Uptown funk has no intention of giving it to you.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Actually not so smart.
The Prophet Mohammad: Super overrated.
Luther the TV Show: You’re wrong and you owe me an apology for suggesting it.
American snipers are okay, because they’re not foreign snipers: Wrong.
Boyfriend jeans: Shut up. They’re your jeans.
What is with this b.s. negativity about everything different from your experience? Go get a massage or acupuncture. Better yet, pull the stick out of your ass and be a better person.
This is still my favorite column.
Insert wet fart noise here.
I was wrong about this
Hyphenating your last name so you seem, like, super diverse, you guys! wrong!
It’s a joke column with a clipart model “author” photo, most of you.
Regarding your comment about the Prophet Mohammed: taking cheap shots at people’s religion (particularly Muslims, which is tragically en vogue right now) is cowardly and discriminatory. You’re jumping on a trend that really speaks to a growing climate of intolerance and polarization, which is sad and truly unprogressive. Not only is your column unfunny (and useless), but it speaks to your intolerance and myopic views of social inclusion. I hope the editors on your staff grow a brain and a pair and pull this shit from this publication. Best of luck with your “career” in “journalism”.
DITD, the Editors wrote this shite.
http://www.fotosearch.com/CSP992/k13345570…
If you must know, her real name is Theora Fedora, PI and she went undercover as a stock photography model one time.
WHAT? Next you’re gonna be saying I wrote “One Hulk’s Opinion” and “Soiled Mattress Down by the River”!
There is no Steven Humphrey.