GAAAAAAHHHH! HULK FURIOUS!! Calm down, Hulk... calm... breathe in on two count, breathe out on four count. Just like quack Doctor Strange suggest! Inhaale... exhaaale. And... pheeeewwwwwww. Okay. It work! Hulk calm! Also HULK FURIOUS ABOUT LOSING POWERBALL! RAAAAAAAARRGHHH! ARRRRGH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!!!

What doo-doo am this? How can government allow stupid Powerball SCAM to exist? HULK BUY THREE POWERBALL TICKETS. THREE!! That mean Hulk have THREE times chance to win Powerball over average puny human! And yet? HULK NOT WIN ONE GODDAMN PENNY! How that even possible?? Hulk smash piggy bank to buy Powerball tickets, but Hulk not win Powerball? RAAAAAAAARRGHHH! Now Hulk have no $800 million AND no bank! THIS AM UNTENABLE SITUATION!

News flash, puny human! Not all superheroes rich, like drunk dick Tony Stark! Regular "One Hulk Opinion" reader know Hulk priced out of Portland and forced to live in leaky Gresham cave. With snakes! HULK POOR AS RADIOACTIVE DIRT. Does puny human even know what Hulk could do with $800 million? HERE AM ABBREVIATED LIST!


• Buy 800 million Chick-O-Stick!

• Pay puny humans to stop laughing at Hulk recumbent bike.

• Have loyal reader seen Making a Murderer? Sure, Hulk feel sorry for Steven Avery... BUT HULK PERSECUTED BY GOVERNMENT, TOO! So Hulk use $800 million to buy Hulk Netflix show called "BUT HULK PERSECUTED BY GOVERNMENT, TOO!" Hulk also force Netflix to offer equally important series, That's So Raven. WHY THAT'S SO RAVEN NOT ON NETFLIX?!? Forget making murderer—that real travesty of justice.

• Buy new piggy bank.

• Buy truckload of purple stretch pants. And purple stretch shirts! And purple stretch bow ties! Hulk wonder if Black Widow think Hulk look handsome in bow tie. Hulk think Black Widow probably pretty impressed!

• Hulk spend $800 million for down payment on low-market house in Portland. Hulk... Hulk very tired of living in snake cave.

• Hoverboard!!! :D

And Hulk just getting started! EXCEPT! Powerball smash Hulk dreams just like Hulk smash piggy bank! RAAAAAAAARRGHHH! HULK NEVER WASTE MONEY ON STUPID POWERBALL SCAM AGAIN!! (Now Hulk only buy Scratch-Its!)