Dear Readers: I need your help. While you may not realize it, superheroing costs money.
I know, I know... Iām the āKing of Atlantis.ā I should be drowning in dough, right? Unfortunately, the currency of Atlantis is mollusk shells, which are of zero worth on dry landāand yet thatās where Iām spending most of my days. Think about it: Where does 99.99 percent of crime occur? In the deep-sea canyons off the coast of Spain? No! Crime happens on land. (And sometimes in outer space?) Thatās why I need land-dweller MONEY. To fight crime on land!
And yes, Iāll admit it: The reason Iām currently a bit cash-poor is due to an unwise investment in an underwater air pool. You know how surface-dwellers have pools filled with water? Itās like that, except with air, and... look. This isnāt the time to get into the physics of air pools. But they are very expensive. Way more expensive than regular pools. My wife Mera wanted one (would not let it go), but nobody in Atlantis knew how to make one, so I ended up hiring Kenny, a land-based contractor (FIRST MISTAKE), who I had to pay in surface-dweller money (SECOND MISTAKE), and who said he knew what he was doing, but went way over budget, and... well, I shouldāve pulled the plug then (THIRD MISTAKE). But then I got offered the Justice League movie, and thought, āOh boy! This is gonna be huge! Everybodyās gonna love it, and Iāll finally have some money that isnāt rotten mollusk shells!ā (FOURTH MISTAKE).
I mentioned this whole fiasco to Batman, hoping heād be a pal and help me out. Instead he just smirked, dropped a ninja smoke bomb, and disappeared. Thenālike two days laterāhe hired Kenny to install an air pool in the Batcave! Batman doesnāt even need an air pool! He lives in air, andā
But enough about that. Letās just say if you want the same level of excellent superheroing Iāve provided in the past (remember when I smacked the Joker in the face with a sea cucumber?), Iām depending on you. As a reminder, my skills include swimming fast, being strong, using my MIND to talk to fish, and smacking the Joker in the face with a sea cucumber.
And Iāve got some great rewards to thank you! For a $5 donation, Iāll e-mail you a āGIFā of me riding two flying fish like waterskis! Ha! Pretty cool. For $10, Iāll send you one sand dollarāa whole one, not the crappy broken ones you find on the beach! And for $25, youāll receive a LIVE FISH to do with whatever you please! (Feeling guilty? Donāt! These are pervert fish who have committed perverted fish crimes!)
So go on, give generously! āWaterā you waiting for? (Heh!)