Hi. I’m Francine Colman-Gutierrez. I’ve been told this column can be a little negative. You’re right about that… and here are some more things you’re right about.

People who go on and on about “beautiful sunrises” should shut the fuck up. You’re right about that.

It’s unseemly for adults to ride Razor scooters. Agree 100 percent.

Channing Tatum’s face is way too small for his head. That’s a very astute thing to say.

There are better careers than modeling. Exactly right.

Dogs are better than cats, with the exception of pit bulls and dachshunds. Hard to argue with that.

Children… am I right? You’re totally right.

People with hands bigger than their faces are liars and cheats. Well… 95 percent of the time, yes.

Wearing baseball caps and using the word “hipster” are sure signs of a poor imagination. Preach on, preacher.

Shakira has such a weird voice. I know, right?

Teenagers think your love for Facebook is old-timey and ridiculous. From the mouths of babes…

Blue whales are the largest animals that have ever existed on earth. As far as we know, yes.

Egg salad sandwiches. Mmmm… so right.

If you play Mortal Kombat, you are less ethical than the rest of us. Even the guilty agree with this.

Thumbs are weird. Hmm… now that you mention it.

We should be extra nice to people who say they hate Valentine’s Day, because they are probably very sad. I hate this idea, and yet? You’re right about that.

The top five most boring sports are: football, basketball, soccer, baseball, and windsurfing. That’s a pretty accurate list.

Anti-vaxxers have the same rights as you and me. Correct. We need to do something about that.

Trolls who say mean, negative things just to get your attention are the worst. Uggh. You are so super-right about that. THE WORST!

15 replies on “You’re Wrong About That: Actually, You’re RIGHT”

  1. Your “Wrong” column photo makes you look like Nora Dunn, whereas your “Right” column photo makes you look like Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry. Will you go out with me?

  4. I think you meant wearing tight pants and having a goofy haircut is a sure sign of being a hipster and an even surer sign of having a poor imagination.

  6. Where do you come down on the debate between whether Blue Wales are the most intelligent creatures on planet Earth, due to their relative brain size or absolute brain size, and if they’re so smart, how come you got this gig instead of them?

  8. Whoa whoa whoa, you mean the Merc doesn’t REALLY have a Francine Colman-Gutierrez working for them? But I thought I was the smart one for making fun of her!

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