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GOOD MORNING, STEFAN! THIS IS THE LAZIEST MORNING NEWS EVER! IS THE MERC STAFF ALL HUNGOVER?
Succinct, no snark, and no smink. Best. Morning News. Ever!
BEST *AND* WORST! NO. WORST AND BEST! WAIT. YES! NO! GOOD MORNING!
GOOD
TOP O’ TH’ MERNIN’.
BEEP BOOP BEEP BEEP BEEP.
I HAVE NOTHING TO ADD BUT MY AGREEMENT WITH ALL OF YOU! GREAT MORNING TO ALL!
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE. I FIND THIS MORNING’S NEWS TO BE HEAVILY SLANTED TOWARDS THE MALE GAZE.
IT ISN’T MORNING, YOU WOULDN’T KNOW MORNING IF YOU HIT YOURSELF OVER THE HEAD WITH IT! I TRIED IT, I KNOW MORNING WELL! IT IS A BAD MORNING TODAY! LIFE IS AWFUL!
I DEMAND JUSTICE FOR YOUR LIES! I HATE YOU ALL! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I WANT TO GO HOME!
{sob} {sob}