Because it’s breakfast-time, check your Frigidaire. Like, RIGHT EFFING NOW. Millions of salmonella-tainted eggs have been unleashed on an unsuspecting American populace. But you’re probably OK if you shop at Fred Meyer.
Help wanted. No, seriously, somebody please. Claims for unemployment benefits climb to their highest point in nine months. Me: Hi, Economy! Economy: Sputter, sputter, clang, clang, wheeze …
So the war is over, but maybe not the shooting. A “small” cadre of 50,000 soldiers will stick around Iraq now that combat troops have left. Oh, and so will private mercenary armies funded by our tax dollars. And that’s gone well.
You wanted a Skinwich? Too bad! Reports of a new KFC sandwich made from a sumptuous five—five!—layers of chicken skin, piled high with American cheese and bacon, are apparently false.
Neptune is a putz. And here’s why. It was also harder to find than Uranus.
Your daily dose of abject cruelty: Bull and bullshit.
But here’s another folk-hero flight attendant to make you feel better. Unless you think Southwest’s Beverly McCurley was out of line. There’s some debate after McCurley snatched a 13-month-old baby from her mama, after the woman smacked the crying child.
Facebook Places! Taking you places you’ve never been or taking people to places you don’t want them to go. Like your apartment.
Affordable housing is scarce enough in this town. The developer behind the New Columbia project and the Building Blocks effort goes bust.
Eight shootings, 24 hours: It’s like a tour of Portland, but with bullets.
Finally, your newest “American Idol” judge:
GOOD MORNING, DENIS! HOW ARE YOU TODAY? GO NEPTUNE! YOU CAN DO IT, LIL’ PLANET!
GOOD MORNING, DENIS! GOOD MORNING, TK.! I’M SO EXCITED FOR DENIS’S FIRST GM,N! IT’S LIKE HE’S A REAL JADED EMPLOYEE NOW!
Good day, Denis.
I’m NOT ok because Fred Meyer does not have handles on their bags and I’ve dropped a total of 3 so far in two weeks.
“Finally, you’re newest ‘American Idol’ judge”
-cringe-
ACK ACKKKK! DENIS QUICK! YOUR NOT YOU’RE! QUICK BEFORE MY EYES DIE!
ALSO GOOD MORNING!
@SPINE: HAHA, IT’S NOT PROFESSIONAL UNLESS THERE’S A 3RD GRADE LEVEL TYPO SOMEHWERE IN THE POST.
I NEEDED CAFFEINE. WHAT CAN I SAY? I USED TO BE A COPY EDITOR. AND NOT A BAD ONE—CATCHING ITS/IT’S AND EVEN YOU’RE/YOUR WITH GLEE! ALSO, FRED MEYER’S HANDLELESS BAGS SUCK A DONKEY.
IT’S PAST TIME THAT WE BANNED PAPER BAGS IN THIS CITY.
I UNDERSTAND DENIS! I GET THE ITS IT’S WRONG ALL THE TIME AND THEN ASSHOLES LIKE ME YELL ABOUT IT!
BUT MOSTLY WELCOME TO GMN! GOOD JOB!
WHY ARE THEIR BAGS HANDLELESS? THEY SUCK SO HARD! WHY DON’T THEY USE THE BAGS WITH HANDLES? DIDN’T THEY HAVE THOSE BEFORE?
@DENIS: YOU SHOULD GET A PROFILE PIC FOR MAKING THE POSTING OF COMMENTS! IT’LL MAKE YOU FIT IN BETTER WITH THE GREAT UNWASHED MASSES!!
IF YOU DON’T LIKE FRED MEYER BAGS GO BACK TO RUSSIA.
ARE YOU GOING TO SEND ME TO RUSSIA PC? IS THIS LIKE A FREE GIVEAWAY? AWESOME:
HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE FRED MEYER BAGS? TELL US AND ENTER TO WIN A FREE TRIP TO RUSSIA!