Good morning! Tomorrow is National Bank Transfer Day! But why wait? Stop by Pioneer Square today and open an account with a credit union or community bank. And then close out your account with whatever banking conglomerate currently owns your money. You don’t even need to wear your Guy Fawkes mask! (Because, yes, it makes you look a little silly.)
Putting some heat on Occupy Portland (in case you missed my post below) police will now carry, if not wear, riot gear at all times, says Chief (and potential mayoral candidate) Mike Reese. The order comes as new overtime figures emerge—about $209,000. Occupiers say the chief is just nodding to the cranky police union.
Occupy arrests, meanwhile, were reported in places I would happily leave to the 1 percent: Tulsa and Asheville, N.C. But that’s just me. In New York, arrests were made outside Goldman Sachs HQ.
The unemployment rate dipped from 9.1 percent to an even 9 percent, after the economy added 80,000 jobs in October. Good news? Not really. Economists say that’s really just a statistical air biscuit. We needed thousands more jobs to really make a difference.
Is Israel plotting a strike on Iran? Israeli officials are playing a good game of dodge and misdirect after reports leak they might be planning to drop major ordnance on Iran’s nuclear facilities and, why not, spark a big ol’ war.
A string of sexual harassment claims has made pizza salesman Herman Cain even more popular with Republican voters.
Don’t worry: The CIA is just as addicted to the inanities of Twitter and Facebook as you are.
A MASSIVE ASTEROID WILL COME DISTURBINGLY CLOSE TO THE EARTH NEXT WEEK. PANIC! PANIC! Wait, what? Oh. Scientists say it may not end life as we know it for another 100 years, on its next scheduled trip through our neighborhood.
A woman with only $30 in her pocket was stranded for days in San Francisco International Airport because she couldn’t pay her baggage fee, and then, after she missed her flight, the $150 change-ticket fee. At least there’s a lot of pretty artwork to look at there!
Awww. Soon-to-be-ex-Kardashian husband Kris Humphries is “getting through it day-by-day. It’s a tough situation.”
Even conservatives think Republicans in Congress are messing with the economy to mess, in turn, with Barack Obama, says this poll.
OH! OH! AND GUESS WHAT ELSE! GUESS WHAT ELSE! THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS IS ONCE MORE ON THE VERGE OF SHUTDOWN! IT’S A FIGHT OVER THE BUDGET! AGAIN! YAY! THIS IS HOW I FEEL:
Remember remember Guy Fawkes was an really an asshole dickbag who was big fan of the Pope and wanted to put a Catholic monarch on the British throne.
(Ah, typo. Curse you lack of comment modification!)
Aww, be nice to Asheville. It’s one of the only civilized places in the South. It’s just overrun with hippies, is all. I’ll take hippies over rightwing religious rednecks any day!
Asheville, NC, is in fact a lovely town and a fairly significant hippie/hipster gathering spot on the east coast (not that those two things are necessarily related).
WHERE IS MY PARKS AND REC RECAP
Inanities of Twitter? Why, just last evening Susan Orlean was agonizing over whether or not to tweet what she had for dinner! (She did, it was pasta.) Stephen Fry left his wallet on a plane in Dubai. (Qantas employees retrieved it for him.) And, worst of all, Alec Baldwin has his phone stolen while feeding half of his no-sugar muffin to the pigeons at 105th & Broadway. (No cellphone pics of “Little Alec” have surfaced yet.) Do these sound like inanities?????
I JUST DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. BURN IT ALL.
In the style of Graham: I AM SORRY IF I MISJUDGED AND/OR OFFENDED ANYONE FAMILIAR WITH OR FOND OF ASHEVILLE, N.C. SO, SO, SORRY.
Yup. Asheville (Chapel Hill too, I’m told): The Olympia, Washington of The South.
@RB: NORTH CAROLINA ISN’T THE SOUTH.
GRAHAM DOES NOT SAY SORRY, YOU FAIL AGAIN THERIAULT.
@ 5: I HAVE A DAY JOB, DICKHOLE.
Graham, as a former resident of North Carolina, where I was surrounded by people who wore shorts year round, lived wholly on grits, barbecue and extremely sweet iced tea, and spoke with an accent that would befuddle most Oregonians, may I ask you to back up your claim that North Carolina isn’t the South?
@sgp: I have to agree with Graham on this one. North Carolina must logically be the North, just as South Dakota is the South. Words mean more than extremely sweet iced tea.
@G: YOU NEED A NEW SCHTICK.