There is a voicemail box in city hall reserved especially for you. The mayor’s community advocate (503-823-4740) has the job of wading through any rant or rave Portland citizens throw at the mayor’s office. Since last October, we’ve made a habit of requesting the citizen voicemails every four months [“Take Your City and Shove It,” Features, Oct. 14, 2010]. Some are insightful, some are pure insanity gold. Here are the best (condensed, edited) citizen voicemails from February through May of this year.
Thursday, February 10, 2011 9:55 AM, unidentified female
I’m really disturbed about something I’ve just seen in the newspaper. I’m speaking of Anthony McDowell, who was shot and killed by Gresham police. This is a war veteran. Even if he was not a war veteran, every life counts! Therefore, please wear the pants, get out there, and let everybody know who’s in charge! Sam, YOU are in charge, and the Police Chief should answer to YOU.
Thursday, February 10, 2011 1:43 PM, unidentified male
Hi: I’m calling in response to the Tribune‘s huge article about Crack Alley in Old Town. The fact is, if you go down there at 5:00 in the morning, or actually any time of day, they’re black, okay. I said it, oh my God, they’re black! I’m not anti-black—not at all. But, the fact is, and I’ll say it again: you go down there, they’re black—period!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011 10:44 AM, Aisha
Hello: Happy Valentine’s Day; and please do not join the Joint Terrorism Task Force. Thank you.
Friday, February 18, 2011 8:38 AM, Rosemary
[Rosemary is looking forward to the State of the City speech. She hopes the Mayor runs again. She did not like the NPR program about the youthful immigration to Portland for the heavy metal rock scene, and that they are sitting on the sidewalks. She found it nauseating. She hopes you address these things in your speech.]—Summary courtesy of the mayor’s office.
Friday, February 25, 2011 11:18 AM, Robert
Hello: Recently I had no garbage pickup, so I dialed 823-4000. They, in turn, referred me to a number, 823-7202. That number you couldn’t even put your ear to the phone. And, the music that they were playing was rap music—filthy and disgusting. You guys can do better than that. I mean, why don’t you just put on Lars Larson or something, you know? We’ll see you later. Bye.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011 12:59 PM, unidentified female
Yes: I just heard your comments, Mayor, about how Portland has too many guns. And, that’s just as stupid as saying Portland has too many gay people. It just really makes no sense. So, please think before you speak. Thank you.
Thursday, March 17, 2011 2:19 PM, Margaret
What I’m calling about is the Timbers parking. I live at NW 17th and Everett. They are destroying our neighborhood. They don’t necessarily do other things in the neighborhood other than drink and destroy the neighborhood. I’ve been propositioned for prostitution up to 20 times in an hour while I’m weeding my flower beds—and I’m a grandmother. That’s disgusting.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 8:47 AM, Randi
I’m calling in regards to the canine dog, Caine, that has been killed in the line of duty. I’m hearing that the guy that killed him is only going to get animal cruelty—maybe a little bit higher. THAT DOG WAS AN OFFICER! I think that this guy should get just as if he killed a police officer. This is wrong.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 11:06 AM, unidentified male
Yeah: I just read, Sam, that you’re going to increase from 4% to 17% of the amount of money that’s being spent on bike projects instead of roads. You’re so full of SHIT, you little whack-job liberal weenie. Eat shit and die!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011 11:36 AM, Browne
I’m calling to complain about your suggestion that the City Council should okay surgery for transition from one sex to the other. Next, are you going to let every member on the City Council have their face redone? If you can get one part of their body taken care of, why not everybody have a facelift?
Monday, June 13, 2011 10:46 AM, Susan
My mom’s been getting synthetic telepathy. This is cognizant of electro-magnetic weapons being used against our home. My kid is here to help me. Our life is being destroyed.
@ Thursday, February 10, 2011 9:55 AM, unidentified female
Um, you do know that Gresham is NOT a part of Portland, right? That said, i totally feel you.
@ Thursday, February 10, 2011 1:43 PM, unidentified male & Friday, February 25, 2011 11:18 AM, Robert
Racists.
@ Thursday, March 17, 2011 2:19 PM, Margaret
What on Earth are you wearing?
The first one is not in the least crazy either is the third nor forth. Disagreement with your poster boy mayor is’nt crazy either. Granted there are some kooks who leave messages but my message to Mr Adams is simple: do the job your were elected to do for ALL of Portland and stop pandering to special interest groups, the entertainment industry,etc. In short quit being a smug douche, stop hiding from real issues and man up and do your job.