Hurrah! The new Sellwood Bridge opened today! Aaaaaand it only took one dumb dum-dum to fuck up a good thing. According to multiple reports, traffic was a goddamn nightmare around the new bridge thanks to (I’m going to be charitable here) a very confused person who thought the sidewalk was the road, and got his truck stuck in between a concrete barrier and a guard rail. And then? ABANDONED THE TRUCK. Workers—who had successfully opened the bridge hours before schedule— were forced to shut down the bridge for over an hour while they used machinery to extricate the truck. ON THE FIRST DAY!

Happily, the new Sellwood bridge is back in full operational mode—as long as people stop driving on the goddamn sidewalk. Seriously, this is not Florida, people!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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