Credit: Maja Hitji / Getty
DEAR DUMMIES. STAY THE FUCK HOME.
DEAR DUMMIES. STAY THE FUCK HOME. Maja Hitij / Getty News

Here’s your daily roundup of all the local and national news about COVID-19. (Like our coverage? Please consider donating to the Mercury to keep it comin’!)

• The city of Portland is considering giving cash to low-income households for help surviving the coronavirus crisis.

• Tourist-beloved Hood River has enacted a temporary ban on overnight stays at “motels, hotels, short-term vacation rentals, hosted home shares, bed and breakfasts, RV parks and campgrounds.”

• Stupid Oregonians are doing stupid things in direct violation of Gov. Brown’s “stay home” order—they’re going out to stock up for unnecessary home improvement projects. DON’T BE STUPID, PLEASE.

• An Oregon jail inmate has filed a class-action lawsuit against his jail for its poor response to the public health crisis posed by COVID-19. “Columbia County… cannot leave people in jails to suffer and die,” the lawsuit reads.

• As of yesterday, there were 266 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Oregon, and ten deaths. UPDATE: As of this afternoon, the total number of confirmed positive cases has increased by 50 to 316, with 11 total deaths that we know of.

• Pok Pok’s Andy Richter announced he is shutting down all his restaurants for the time being, saying it’s impossible to keep them open while following social distancing guidelines.

• Yesterday the Mercury spoke with a Portlander who volunteers at a food pantry for HIV-positive people about the impact COVID-19 has on his clients, and what it’s like to experience the coronavirus pandemic after living through the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 1980s and 90s.

• The Oregon Health Authority began releasing more demographic data about Oregon’s coronavirus cases, and after presumably looking at their own numbers, put out a call for medical volunteers.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:
• The unemployment numbers nationwide are so big as to be borderline incomprehensible. The local numbers are right in line with those: Oregon’s claims jumped 1500-percent, from 4,900 two weeks ago to 76,500 last week.

• Thankfully, Lindsay Graham’s last ditch attempt to screw over the unemployed fell through, and the stimulus bill provision to provide a flat $600 a week, every week, for four months, to the unemployed on top of their state benefits was passed by the Senate last night.

• On March 18, Trump said he was prepared to invoke the Defense Protection Act to ensure key goods in the fight against COVID-19’s spread would be made available. It’s March 26th and he still hasn’t actually invoked it, and apparently doesn’t have any plans to do so.

• A single postcard detailing Trump’s coronavirus “””guidelines””” has begun arriving in West Coast mailboxes. Didn’t get yours yet? Here’s a rundown.

• China, whose domestically transmitted cases of COVID-19 have dropped to almost zero, is now closing its borders to foreign nationals because they don’t want people bringing it back in.

• Headlines like these only get more maddening as the crisis continues: Amazon is struggling to pay workers in quarantine, according to The Atlantic. In related news: Jeff Bezos’ personal net worth is 113.9 billion.

• Is loss of smell and taste an actual symptom of having caught a case of coronavirus? Doctors are seriously studying it to see if it’s a real phenomena, or if people who are reading about possible symptoms are convincing themselves they’re suffering from them.

• The President wants everything to be back to normal by Easter (LOL) but there’s one Easter tradition that won’t be ready: The Just Born production lines for their popular marshmallow candy Peeps have closed, and will stay that way through April 7th at the least.

• Need some cheering up after all this mostly glum news? Join us for the MERCURY CHEER UP CLUB, and get a daily dose of funny, sweet stuff to laugh and smile at.

• And finally, a look back at better times…