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Sen. Chuck Schumer pushed for workers rights in relief package. <em>(Alex Wong/Getty)</em>
Sen. Chuck Schumer pushed for workers rights in relief package. (Alex Wong/Getty)

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Tell me love isn't true. It's just something that we do. Tell me everything I'm not, but please don't tell me to stop. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

First off, thank you to everyone for your kind words to our staff about how you'd like it if the Mercury stuck around for awhile. I wrote a little something about that, as well as an update about how the Mercury is currently doing, if you'd like to read it! MWWAAHH!

Gov. Brown talked to the press yesterday about the dire needs of our state's medical system, saying that the Feds have only sent 25 percent of the emergency hospital supplies we need to protect our health care workers. Our Blair Stenvick has the details.

As of yesterday, the number of positive COVID-19 cases in Oregon (that we know of) has jumped from 191 to 209, while the presumed death toll has risen from five to eight people.

While Gov. Brown has issued a social distancing order in Oregon, that's not going to be easy at all for our state's prisons. Our Alex Zielinski takes a look at the challenges that lie ahead for the Multnomah County jail system.

Do you have a shitty boss who is blatantly ignoring Gov. Brown's executive order to maintain a safe workspace for employees? Now there's a way to report them to Oregonโ€™s Occupational Safety and Health division.

Calls to the police to report suicidal behavior have spiked 23 percent since March 12, compared to the time before the coronavirus outbreak. If you're having suicidal thoughts, or just need someone to talk to, there's help for you. Call the Multnomah County Mental Health Call Center at 503-988-4888, or toll free at 1-800-716-9769. If you're hearing-impaired, dial 711. Stick around, we need you!

In national news, the White House and Congress have agreed on a $2 trillion relief package, after Democrats pushed for more worker protections and oversight for a $500 billion bailout for struggling businesses. Here's a rundown of what the package entailsโ€”and it looks pretty hopeful!

Because he is an idiot of the highest order, President Trump is trying to convince himself and us that business in America can "open up again" by Easter, even while every expert is telling him otherwise. Meanwhile Trump's conservative idiot followers are claiming they would happily die from the coronavirus, if it would SAVE THE NATION'S ECONOMY?? Jesus Christ, the brainwashing!

Things are looking very bad in New York City, where Gov. Andrew Cuomo said that cases are doubling every three days, and that 140,000 people might need urgent care in the next few weeks. He also issued a warning that while NYC may be first, the rest of America won't be far behind.

The future king of England, Prince Charles, has tested positive for COVID-19, though he says his symptoms are mild. Other reported celebs with the virus include teen activist Greta Thunberg and musician Jackson Browne.

Famed and beloved playwright Terrence McNally (Kiss of the Spider Woman) has died of complications from coronavirus at age 81.

Also passed: Horror/cult classic director Stuart Gordon (Re-Animator) at the age of 72.

Meanwhile, is pop goddess Britney Spears calling for a "general strike and redistribution of wealth" as her Instagram may suggest? If so, we are so here for COMRADE BRITNEY!

Now let's look skyward to the WEATHER: A few more showers today with a high of 52, and a mostly dry day tomorrow!

And finally, are you using your STAY HOME time to your best advantage? Like this kid and her dog?