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Joe Biden appears on MSNBC this morning to address a charge of sexual assault.
Joe Biden appears on MSNBC this morning to address a charge of sexual assault. Courtesy MSNBC

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Ooh, boy, you looking like you like what you see. Won't you come over and check up on it? I'mma let you work up on it. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It's May 1—are you having worries about rent? Then you should not miss our Alex Zielinski's indispensable guide to tenant's rights in the time of COVID-19.

As of yesterday, the Oregon Health Authority reported 64 new confirmed COVID-19 cases (that we know of), bringing the total to 2,510. Two more deaths were reported as well, bringing that total to 103.

New modeling analysis suggests that thousands of new coronavirus cases could erupt if Oregon eases up on social distancing restrictions too soon.

According to draft guidelines for eventually opening up Oregon, citizens can perhaps expect face masks in restaurants, screening employees and customers in businesses, and perhaps even taking temperatures. Again, this is just a draft—but it does show what state leaders are thinking.

Nonessential headline of the day: "Confusion reigns over whether Oregonians can receive Botox and other beauty treatments during the COVID-19 pandemic."

The Oregon Parole Board is considering early release of seven prisoners out of the thousand who have asked to be released from jail due to serious illness.

Amazon will begin testing their warehouse workers in Troutdale for coronavirus, part of a much larger company-wide effort to control the virus. Meanwhile, across the nation, Amazon and Instacart workers are planning a May Day strike to protest the treatment they've received during the COVID-19 crisis.

Salt & Straw announced they'll be opening up their West Coast shops for delivery and takeout, so if you liked long lines before COVID-19, you're gonna love 'em now.

Mayor Ted Wheeler's campaign mailer hit mailboxes yesterday, and at least one of the people his campaign said endorsed him, didn't endorse him at all.

Reminder! The Mercury endorsements for the May 19 election have dropped, and you will find them super useful when filling out your ballot! Check out our cheat sheet here!

Speaking of which, Mayor Ted Wheeler gave a lengthy interview to our own Alex Zielinski on his first term in office as well as his election campaign—check it out here!


Let's lead off our national news update with this: More than 63,000 Americans have died. In normal times, a president—even the worst of them— would be grieving right along with us. Not Trump. Today's headline from the New York Times: "Amid a Rising Death Toll, Trump Leaves the Grieving to Others."

Despite warnings from scientists and experts, many states have decided to significantly relax stay at home orders. Texas Gov. Greg Abbott announced that his state will fling open the doors to restaurants, movie theaters, and malls—though they will be reduced to 25 percent capacity.

Related: Republican governors want to strip away unemployment benefits from employees who refuse to come back to work in clearly unsafe conditions.

Yesterday in Michigan, ARMED DOMESTIC TERRORISTS stormed the state capitol demanding that the governor reopen the state. While Republican legislators caved to their demands, national hero Gov. Gretchen Whitmer overruled them, keeping her social distancing orders intact and her constituency alive.

Due to the global financial emergency, the rallying cry of #CancelRent is being heard in cities around the world, and surprise! Landlords don't like it.

In his first public remarks about the accusation that he sexually assaulted Tara Reade in 1993, Joe Biden told MSNBC that "it is not true. I’m saying unequivocally it never, never happened." He added that he has asked the National Archives—which houses personnel records—to publicly release any complaints filed about him.

Vice President Mike "Puckered Butthole" Pence's office is threatening to retaliate against a reporter who busted them for knowing full well that the Veep was supposed to wear a mask during a hospital tour.

If you need some cheering up after reading all this, turn your bad mood around quick with the Mercury Cheer Up Club, featuring the internet's biggest daily laughs!

Look, you're stuck inside, creative, going nuts, and need money, right? Then enter your short confinement-themed film in the Confinement (online) Film Festival, better known as CoFF!

Now let's squint our eyes skyward to the WEATHER: While it may be a wet weekend, expect mostly dry weather today and a high of 68!

And finally, find a neighborhood that loves your hat as much as this neighborhood loves this guy's hat.