Credit: DREW ANGERER/GETTY IMAGES

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Complaints? Call 1-800-BLAME-THE-ACCUSER.
“Complaints? Call 1-800-BLAME-THE-ACCUSER.” DREW ANGERER/GETTY IMAGES

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Living this life on the hustle, I barely get enough time. You know me from the platinum, how I stack them and shine. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Burgerville employees at the Montavilla location went on strike yesterday—which was also National Cheeseburger Day! (Crafty move, employees. Crafty move.)

Two men in Eugene have been arrested after firing a weapon out of their car… and then uploading video of the incident on Facebook. (Crafty move, Eugene dudes. Crafty move.)

I’m just going to leave this headline here: “Shirtless, bowl-smoking bandit steals kitten from Portland pet shelter.”

Malheur Militia member/Nevada gubernatorial candidate Ryan Bundy— who has never been the sharpest tool in the shed—has proposed an eye-for-an-eye crime stopping technique that goes like this: “If you rape 3 people, you will be raped 3 times as forced by the Nevada Government.” As I said, not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Professor Christine Blasey Ford—who has credibly accused SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh of attempted rape—is refusing to play the GOP’s game and instead of getting the Anita Hill treatment on Monday is insisting on an FBI investigation into her accusations first. However, the Republicans are too interested in ramming their corrupt nominee through the process to give a shit about justice.

Oh, and to the surprise of no one, Christine Blasey Ford has received so many death threats since coming forward she’s been forced to hire private security and move out of her home. That’s American misogyny at work!

In response, Trump said that Kavanaugh’s alleged sexual assault is “very hard for me to imagine.” OH IS IT REALLY?

Waitasecond… North Korea isn’t planning on going through with full denuclearization! But… Trump said he already solved that problem!

Trump has also stepped up his attacks on Jeff Sessions, saying in an interview, “I don’t have an attorney general.” He is correct, he doesn’t have an attorney general. However, AMERICA DOES.

Stormy Daniels released an excerpt from her new book explicitly detailing having sex with Trump—which is why Mario Kart’s Toad was trending yesterday. EWWWWWWW!!!

Flooding remains a huge problem for the hurricane victims of North Carolina, who are now facing health problems from overflowing pig poop.

McDonald’s employees in several major cities are going on strike to protest sexual harassment in their workplace.

VERY IMPORTANT REMINDER:

Now how about a WEATHER report: Hey, it’s chilly outside this morning, but expect a mostly clear day, reaching a high of 72.

And finally, this dude’s first attempt at riding an ATV doesn’t go as planned (and the mom is like, “Yeah, that’s pretty much par for the course.”)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

One reply on “Good Morning, News: Burgerville and McDonald’s on Strike, and Kavanaugh’s Accuser Receives Death Threats”

  1. Tell me again how rape ruins men’s lives? Oh right it doesn’t (unless they are the rape victim). Tell me again how women come forward and make false allegations “all of the time” (because what they are put through when they shine the light of day on any rapist is so great, like having to relive the experience endlessly, being ripped to shreds personally, if they have ever had sex in their life (while boys will be boys!), and even sometimes receiving death threats).

    We have a rapist and sexual predator in the WH, who supports pedophiles (Roy Moore) and other rapists as “very good people.” Apparently the United States has decided that it’s not a deal breaker to be a sexual predator if you are to be a male president (yes that includes Bill Clinton), seated on the SCOTUS, or put in any other position of power. One isn’t enough for them, if Kavanaugh is appointed there will be two on the SCOTUS (that we know of). A lifetime appointment. At least 45 will be gone sooner or later, one way or another. Think about that and what it means to the women in this country, who make up more than half of the population.

    I believe Christine Ford.

    And right now all of the young men out there raping young women know full well that their futures are not in jeopardy in any way because when it comes to rape the only lives people wring their hands over as possibly being destroyed by rape are those of the rapists.

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