GOOD MORNING, NEWS! Take that and rewind it back, Lil’ Jon got the beat to make ya booty go (clap). LET’S GO TO PRESS.
The terminally ill Brittany Maynard, who suffered from irreversible brain cancer, ended her own life this weekend thanks to Oregon’s “death with dignity” law. May she finally find the peace she was looking for.
Locally, a Liberian woman has been declared “Ebola free” at Providence Hospital, so you may return to eating out of the same peanut bowl.
The US nurse who treated Ebola patients has reached an agreement with the state of Maine, promising that in exchange for her freedom she will let them know if she shows any Ebola-like symptoms or sneezes on a lobster. BECAUSE IT’S MAINE, GET IT?
Starting today, the World Trade Center has reopened its doors for business—13 years after the 9/11 attacks.
Islamic State promises the rebels who fought against them safety if they tun themselves in. Eight rebels do just that… and are beheaded and crucified for their trouble. (I’m starting to think these ISIS people aren’t very trustworthy!)
Speaking of fucking dicks: The leader of Boko Haram made a video announcement saying that the 200 girls his extremist organization kidnapped have “been converted to Islam and married off.” Then he actually let out an evil cackle. The only thing missing? He wasn’t stroking a white Persian cat.
President Obama makes a final push to assist a Democratic Senate that could fall into Republican hands. Oh and by the way, have you voted yet? VOTE!!!
Meanwhile, with the possibility of the GOP controlling both the House and Senate, now they have to figure out how to actually lead people instead of spending all their time with their thumbs up their asses.
Speaking of which, here is a fantastic headline from the Guardian: “Former pig castrator Joni Ernst poised to win Iowa Senate seat for Republicans.”
Don’t worry, guys! FaceBook is absolutely safe… even though killers are using it to plot your murder.
The Blazers lost to the Warriors last night 95-90. Relive this horrible tragedy with Blogtown’s own Rob Simonsen, and his Hot Live Blog Action recap!
Now here’s what’s going on in your neck of the woods: Showers, showers, and more showers… and maybe a dry weekend?
And finally, in case you missed it, Nik Wallenda walked a tightrope between two Chicago skyscrapers while BLINDFOLDED. (Kind of makes you give more respect to those slackline walking hippies at the park, huh? No? Okay, fine, me neither.)
