Credit: Alex Wong / Getty

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

Phew! Thank god for the blatant inequality of our judicial system!
“Phew! Thank god for the blatant inequality of our judicial system!” Alex Wong / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I got a river for a soul, and baby you’re a boat. Baby, you’re my only reason. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s why it’s still so necessary. And today is also a great day to check our our annual Womxn’s Issue, spotlighting inspirational Portland womxn you need to know!

In “THIS IS STRAIGHT-UP BULLSHIT” news: Trump crime family member Paul Manafort has been sentenced to a mere 47 months in prison—drastically less than the advised sentencing guidelines—by a judge who said that other than the many and obvious crimes he’s committed, “he’s lived an otherwise blameless life.” HAHAHAHAHAAAA—WHAT? Is he thinking of the same Paul Manafort?

Prez candidate Elizabeth Warren is floating a plan to establish tech industry regulators, and breaking up giants like Amazon, Google, and Facebook.

While one would think there’s nothing controversial about a House vote to condemn bigotry and anti-Semitism, 23 Republicans voted against it! The most surprising thing about this is that it still surprises me.

Headline (so far) of the day: “A Trump official said seismic air gun tests don’t hurt whales. So a congressman blasted him with an air horn.”

Chelsea Manning has refused to testify in a case that’s investigating Wikileaks, and the judge has sent her to jail until she agrees to speak before the grand jury.

Actor Corey Feldman is furiously backpedaling following his earlier comments this week that defended Michael Jackson.

IN LOCAL NEWS: Portland police have released some new information on the fatal shooting of Andre Gladen that could shed light on where the knife that cops say was used by Gladen came from. Our Alex Zee has the story!

The controversy on armed security patrolling PSU rages on, but the students and consultants who met yesterday to discuss the subject all agree on one thing: the university has failed to act carefully or responsibly. Check out the story from our Blair Stenvick!

Hey anti-vaxxers! Heed this story: “Unvaccinated Oregon boy, 6, nearly dies of tetanus, racks up $1 million in bills.” (Who am I fooling? They don’t heed anything.)

Old-timey Portlanders will be sad to learn that Gloria Peterson—of the famed “Tom Peterson and Gloria’s Too!” store and commercials has died at the age of 89.

And don’t let the day pass without reading our Elinor Jones’ funny/smart review of the highly anticipated Captain Marvel!

Now… THE WEATHER: Expect alleged snow showers this morning with a high of 44, and a much more reasonable mild and dry weekend.

And finally, you know what’s going to happen, right? It’s still so very strangely satisfying.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)