Good Morning, News: Pathological Liar Gives Speech, and White House Expected to Release GOP Bullshit Memo

Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You expect me to just let you hit it. But will you still respect me if you get it? LET’S GO TO PRESS.

A grand jury found no wrongdoing by a Portland Police officer for shooting a bank robbery suspect. Oh, did I forget to mention he was unarmed? The suspect was unarmed.

A new poll shows that Portlanders really despise two things: homeless people and traffic. At the same time, Portland is doing better than ever economically—but the wealth is being distributed so unevenly that it’s contributing to the homelessness crisis. (Fun fact: This poll was paid for by the Portland Business Alliance whose policies have directly contributed to our traffic problem and wealth inequality.)

A prisoner has sued the Oregon Department of Corrections staff for refusing to serve him meals that adhere to his Muslim faith. (Cue hyperbolic/racist Oregonian commenters.)

A Lake Oswego mom is calling for stricter punishments after three white kids hands her Black son a note with the n-word on it.

What if the heads of feminists were actually full of snakes, as suggested by Missouri dipshit Republican Courtland Sykes? Our Megan Burbank has the hilarious answer.

A pathological liar gave a speech last night—but who cares what a liar thinks about anything? Let’s move along.

The pathological liar’s head of the CDC has resigned today following allegations of financial conflicts of interest.

The Justice Department is investigating why recently retired FBI deputy Andrew McCabe seemingly held back on investigating a batch of Hillary Clinton emails before the election. (Um, isn’t it because standard FBI protocol is to not do anything that could possibly sway a national election? A protocol James Comey clearly broke?)

Meanwhile Chief of Staff John Kelly is going to review the bullshit memo constructed by willfully corrupt Republicans that’s specifically designed to discredit Mueller’s Russia investigation. (Go ahead! The press will have a blast exposing these guys for the liars they are.)

Controversial Republican memo to come out quickly, White House says https://t.co/Jht2BuZ3Ha

— Reuters Top News (@Reuters) January 31, 2018

Stormy Daniels—Trump’s alleged porn star mistress—went on Jimmy Kimmel and is not exactly denying her gross affair.

In a lengthy Facebook post, Hillary Clinton apologizes for not firing an aide who was accused of sexual harassment during her 2008 bid for the presidency.

Amazon is teaming up with Berkshire Hathaway and JPMorgan Chase to create a new health plan for their employees and eventually? THE WORLD BWAAAAH HAHAAAAAHAAHHHH!! (Naturally, this caused the stock market to freak the fuck out.)

The DJ who groped Taylor Swift has been hired at a new radio station—oh, but the internet is not having it.

Now let’s look up at the WEATHER: More scattered showers and a high of 47!

And finally, this subway’s not big enough for these two cutie dogs (turn up the sound for this one).