GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! To make things right, you need someone to hold you tight. And you think love is to pray, but I’m sorry, I don’t pray that way. LET’S GO TO PRESS.
Looking for an exciting career in the field of industrial hemp? Oregon’s Department of Agriculture is now taking your applications to grow a shit load of dope!
Speaking of dope, you guys can die happy because MARIJUANA VENDING MACHINES are now an actual thing.
The Blazers take down the Utah Jazz—read all the hot play-by-play action with Blogtown b-ball correspondent Brian Gjurgevich’s live blog recap!
In case you missed it yesterday, Commissioner Saltzman’s housing bureau made a bold and curious request for their department—they want to yoink nearly every penny of the city’s surplus cash. (Ummm… ever heard that “sharing is caring?”)
Blah blah blah Cylvia Hayes.
A Tigard Burgerville employee comes to work early in the morning to find a burglar making breakfast—but she didn’t make a goddamn thing for me??
From the Guardian:
“The internet must be fast, fair and open. That is the message I’ve heard from consumers and innovators across this nation,” FCC chair Tom Wheeler wrote in an editorial for Wired magazine published on Wednesday. “The proposal I present to the commission will ensure the internet remains open, now and in the future, for all Americans.”
The Islamic State burns a Jordanian pilot to death in a cage, and the Middle East is apoplectic with rage. (By the way, Fox News is the only American media outlet to put the extremely graphic video of the murder on their website. Draw your own conclusions from that.)
A TransAsia flight crashes in downtown Taipei in a shallow river, killing at least 25… though 18 are still missing. (Dashcam video of the flight going down is INSANE.)
The “20th Hijacker” in the 9/11 attacks makes a new and stunning claim—that members of the Saudi royal family financially supported al-Qaida.
If the Supremes decide to invalidate insurance subsidies attached to Obamacare, it could cause millions to lose coverage, and a nightmare of epic proportions to the Republicans who have been decrying it this entire time.
A Texas 9-year-old unsuccessfully tries to make a schoolmate disappear with a trick he learned from Lord of the Rings, and the schools suspends him for his trouble. Next time maybe he’ll try a little harder!
More trouble for Lance Armstrong: Cops say that he let his girlfriend take the fall after he smashed into two parked cars after a night of partying.
Paris Hilton’s brother goes nuts on a plane, screaming at flight attendants, “I will fucking own anyone on this flight—they are fucking peasants!” (I’m getting that on a T-shirt!)
Now here’s what’s going on in your neck of the woods: Very cloudy today, with showers returning tomorrow through forever.
And finally, if you loved “Too Many Cooks” then you will similarly enjoy “Every ’90s Commercial Ever”—which is like every ’90s commercial ever with… one… big… difference.
