GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Let me tell ya, it’s always cool. And the boss don’t mind, sometime, if you act the fool. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

Oregon, hide your mop buckets and eggs, Justin Bieber was in Eugene warming up for his “Apology Tour.”

In the first real game of the season, the Timbers take down the Columbus Crew, 2-1.

Unfortunately things did not go quite as well for our Blazers who lost to the Detroit Pistons, 123-103.

Former First Lady Nancy Reagan died Sunday at the age of 94.

Naturally, news of First Lady Reagan’s death is sending a shockwave through already rattled Republicans, and is a stark reminder how far the Grand Old Party has fallen since the heyday of Ronald Reagan.

Just after it was announced that Bernie Sanders won the Democratic caucuses in Maine, he and Hillary Clinton engaged in a fiery debate in Flint, Michigan.

Oh, there goes North Korea again threatening to nuke Washington in a pre-emptive strike. OH SHUT UP, NORTH KOREA. YOU SMELL LIKE YOU’VE BEEN EATING ONIONS.

Uber is striking back against a report that the company has received thousands of rape complaints worldwide, explaining it as people accidentally misspelling “rate” as “rape.” Okay.

Peeple, the new app that’s been called “the Yelp for people” (since it allows you to review human beings) is being released in North America today. If that makes you nervous, maybe you should’ve been nicer.

Hillary Clinton’s 52,000 pages of private emails have been released, and over 2,000 of haven been redacted for confidentiality problems. So much for there being “no classified information” in them, I guess!

Donald Trump has been accused of having a friendship with a gambler with mob ties, which isn’t shocking in the least, and is only one of the many scandals we’ll be hearing more about in the coming months, don’t ya think?

Suck it, Alabama! The Supreme Court has overruled Alabama’s judicial ruling saying a lesbian mom and her partner can’t parent three children.

Now let’s theorize about the WEATHER: A showery week ahead with highs in the low to mid-50s.

And finally, if this dog and bird can live in peace, WHY CAN’T WE?!? (Actually if you put some horror music behind this video, it’d look like the puppy was murdering the bird.)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)