GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! In a world of salty tears, so afraid and so full of fears. So glad you saved me, dear. LET’S GO TO PRESS.

It’s day 24 of the Yahoo Militia standoff in Burns, and after the Grant County Sheriff met with the so-called “patriots,” he agrees that in order to end the occupation, the government should send the FBI home and let the father-son ranching arsonists out of prison. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA RIGHT.

An outside consultant study of Portland police practices conclude that if cops were to slow down, create distance between themselves and the suspect, and take cover, fewer encounters with the mentally ill and others might end in death.

Unsurprisingly Flint, Michigan’s water crisis is hurting the city’s impoverished and marginalized the most. And to top that off? Their water bills are among the highest in the country.

According to the head of the EU’s law enforcement agency, Islamic State is actively planning European attacks similar to the one in Paris.

A magnitude-7.1 earthquake rocks Alaska, and is said to be one of the strongest in decades. So far no injuries have been reported.

The Supreme Court strikes down a North Dakota law that would ban abortions in which a fetal heartbeat is detected six weeks into the pregnancy.

The International Olympic Committee has changed its ruling on transgender athletes, now allowing them to compete without undergoing sex reassignment surgery.

The East Coast is slowly getting back to work today after the monster blizzard that hit this past weekend. 29 deaths are being blamed on the storm.

Here’s the best entertainment news of the day…

Despite the Academy’s racist actions, comedian Chris Rock will not quit his Oscars hosting job but is changing his opening monologue to talk about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy. UH-OH!

Now let’s check on the WEATHER outside: Dry with high of 55 today—though scattered showers return tomorrow.

And finally, check out this video of a washing machine filled with bricks jumping on a trampoline. JUST BECAUSE.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)