Blogtownies, you have to do me a favor. You have to go outside. For my sake, and for christ’s sake. Me, I’m here, strapped to this office chair with duct tape that Steve Humphrey brought in specifically because he knew I would try to make a bolt for it on this glorious July day. Christ, he would want you to go outside too. He’d want you to get in water. Cuz like, there’s some kind of creepy ritual he did with water. But don’t worry, if you aren’t down with that, it’s all good. He’s dead, so he poses no threat.

Anyway… GET THE EFF OUTSIDE!!! Go swimming because I can’t!

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I’m posting some suggestions after the jump so check em out if you’re at a loss on where to go. Also leave your own favorite spots in the comments below!

The Sandy River

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Head out on I-84 going East until you reach the Columbia River Highway, then take a Ronaldo and head South. I would tell you my own private swimming hole but then it would become yours and I would be pretty pissed to see you there when I’m there next. So yeah, just be on the lookout for your own.

The Washougal River

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Get on 205 going North and go into Washington. I know, sad face. But it’s worth it! Then get on Highway 14 going East. Soon you’ll want to get on Highway 140 which parallels the river for about 10 miles. Again, find your own damn swimming hole!

And then there’s always Sauvie Island:

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The island is about ten miles northwest of downtown and is accessed by a sole bridge from US 30. The swimming is a bit on the sketch side, depending on what kind of shit has been dumped into the Columbia on any given day. But the beach is nice! And there is a great store on the way to the beach that not only has amazing ice cream, but also sells beer! Beer I say!

So in conclusion please go enjoy the sun. It is our very dear friend who shouldn’t be neglected. Dudes, do it for Pete. For Pete’s sake, get outside!

4 replies on “IT’S SUMMER! GO OUTSIDE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!!”

  2. Warning to all ye who venture out to Sauvie Island: beware of bros and pitbulls. For real.

    Also I recommend Opal Creek, which is somewhere southeast of Salem and involves a very long gravel road and some hiking. There’s a couple waterfalls along the trail and a bonus 1930’s mining camp at the end.

  3. I will tell you the coordinates of the secret waterfall OR the secret natural bridge in exchange for tickets to that hawthorne bridge park day thingie.

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